Frogs and Slugs

Can't wait

2012-02-15T09:17:00.000-08:00

I am staring at this luscious beach and dying in excitement for our holiday brothers and erm Dad. Sun, sand, bikini tan, spas, pretty masseurs, lounging and endless lemonade drinks and mocktails because alcohol is bitter and why would anyone subject themselves to gall flavoured beverage when fruit juice swirls down your throat all that healthy enzymes who can resist?

Think i need me a girl

2012-02-14T20:43:00.000-08:00

Korean songs are brainless and entertaining especially the men with their plucked eyebrows and in the frame below i swear he's wearing a hint of purple eyeshadow. Regardless, the lyrics below are what i happened to hear in the song which might help some to sing along.

If you are as juvenile as i am, this and this might be of interest too.

I need a girl (Sing-along friendly lyrics)

Am tired of being lone
Sick of being single
I think I need me a girl
I need a girl like…
Singa nom no might you
Ordinary Milo, I’d like some... ah Nachos yeah…
Seems she’d like a cocktail
Nodding not a Michael
Now must sarang hate you…

Come on it’s so drone nonja non deal
Chio not like the Meiji man
Chawan she rocking Nasa Chendol
Gone airport inane kiran
Girl…
Girl… I need it girl…
More potato eating
Warm meadow evening
Girl…I need it girl…
Baby I need you, girl you need me too

See my botox chong but she got dot
Try Rollin’ n killin’ your child
Kimchi poker but nigger try my dinner
Tastier mop and swing than your child
Or hor, now it gun mega door
Honey, pour me in your jar
And keep on your chug a throat
Chogan Noah name it
All true chores come in soccer
Chomp cha ahchoo I linger…
Camp so when so she want’ya cat food
Canned cheese and milk, y’all know what I’m talking about
Eh.

Girl…I need a girl…
More potato eating
Warm meadow evening
Girl…I need a girl…
Now elong your checker show toe
Oh toe ra ah ahah

Eh, where mon no la eat shit bot
Must see la nandi careful girl (Damn girl)
Shimmy non dala the GM garter
You are not a mugger boy
Think too muddy, don’t want a girl
Yes, I love girls, girls are out the door
Sarang th’other person GG weekend no la
Nay a person, I’m non my liar

Gee man I cannot not sorry, money kiss
Hello girl, she’s a cargo shit porn
Prominent, nay no big-eat there
Chu train gotta come it on
Nay drum go go she tall

Tashi… nay gas summer gay get a troll
Tashi…take command okay, Monday get a troll
You know don’t need no more
Tangy gay uh nah, Momee she go she pulled Sarahhh…

Girl… I need a girl…
Ooohh… yeah yeah
Girl like you gotta make you mine
I’m a tree cheer right baby
Oooooh..oooh…

Girl…I need a girl…
More potato eating
Warm meadow evening
Girl…I need a girl…
Maybe I need you, girl you need me too

Girl… I need a girl… yeah…
Girl… I need a girl… yeah…
Girl… nay mother let go of me
Maybe I need you, girl you need me too
Girl… I needa go…

Timeline

2012-02-13T02:18:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe this is my forth year blogging and it frightens me how time flies and so many things have changed the least important being my title design and now i have them compiled in order of date (oldest to newest) and maybe i will make another so i can stop being bored of this same thing. Stagnation scares me.

I realise i used such happy colours and the creativity plummets to beyond absent as we go down don't you think the last three look the same?

The Spider Web

2012-02-12T01:37:00.000-08:00

Working with kids is nothing short of exciting and the little ones surprise you at every turn and I am so blessed to be with Rock Kids. It is true you learn more than you ever can give.

First thing I enjoy with kids is reaching their level which sometimes means getting on my knees so I can peer into those eyes and hear the shy ones whisper. That beats stooping down by a billion times because when we are face-to-face there is trust and please let us remember that nobody need ever go “down” to the level of children because they are more superior in many ways.

During Fringe Activity, the girls really enjoy craft and notebook decorating (obviously i did too) and it seems females have always showed a soft spot for shiny things because everyone fights for the glitter foam sheets (and later on in life, the diamonds and gold) and ostracises the plain coloured ones (cheap pearls and sterling silver). But till you teach them what contrast is, blue glitter on silver glitter is THE choice combination.

The boys have war on the other end of the room with Beyblades and soccer and basically everything they engage in descends into war, a phenomenon I cannot explain. Some approach the craft tables but you’ll often hear them shouting along the lines of “Black paper! Black is cool!” (yes, I am completely serious) and then dash about in hyperactive frenzy. When you ask them if they want to participate, most say no. I figure they just want to have war amidst a sea of girls; the allure is undeniable.

So I cut out a large glittery heart for a lonely one after asking her name, a move that saw me becoming the official “shape cutter” for the rest of Fringe Activity because the other girls saw it and all wanted glittery butterflies, crosses, crowns and angels. The more brazen ones ask out-rightly for their favoured shape or go please please please pleasssse... which is barely my style so I tell them “Ask once, I heard you the first time” and it worked out just fine because whining takes the joy out of many things.
The shy ones tell you nevermind when you ask if they’d like one too but I cut them the nicest ones anyway just so I can catch their adorable discreet smiles that I pretend not to notice though they don’t escape me.

So I met Spider-girl here too, who came up to me silently from the back saying “Teacher Dorcas look at my spider-web” and then extended hands coated in superglue and all I managed to say was “Oh wow.”
The end of the lesson saw her struggling in a corner to remove the mess from her fingers and I am now an expert in peeling off glue from tiny fingers while Spider-girl entertains herself with the screen in front, contented to leave the job wholly to me. It turns out she liked the cold sensation of glue on her palm.

Among kids, you get appreciated for the small insignificant things you do like when they ask “Teacher Dorcas how can you cut hearts so nicely? Do you practice everyday?” which is laughably innocent and warms my heart and even my failures are embraced because the distorted butterflies which I abandon on the table are met with unbelievable “It’s so nice teacher, can I have it?” from truly adoring eyes. Somewhere along the way as we grew up, we flicked on a wrong switch in our minds. We need to stop looking for perfection.

In the presence of the little ones, I never feel judged, not that I am averse to judgment (which I myself pass way too often). Usually I deal with judgment knowing that whatever I say or do is going to be critiqued somehow so I’m not going to stifle myself for your insignificant pleasure or whim. But imagine knowing you’re not being judged. Children are God’s gift to mankind.

Middle finger

2012-02-10T16:42:00.000-08:00

Dad’s comment on that picture when I sent it to him to garner sympathy votes: Wow! A nice face..

The wound on my right index finally sealed up and I can resume forceful typing and peel a delectable mandarin without feeling masochistic because citrus in wound is just torture like when your brother squeezes a lime for his mee and squirts some in your contact lens. It is immensely pleasurable to live with men.

So during those last two days I learnt the numerous usages of the middle finger that is an apt substitute for tapping lift buttons, and killing tiny insects that find their way into my room oh and if you’re one of those who believe in living and letting live by flinging the offending crawlie out the window, then you are badly deluded. They’d land up downstairs in in the hands of one of the many wanton boys we have in the neighbourhood and be subject to a slow and painful vivisection feeler by feeler, limb by limb so in other words, they experience death in agony. Now see how squishing is more humane?

And i wonder why people stigmatise the middle finger, dedicate it for use by the uncouth and for those who lack alternative means of self expression, then have the rest of society avoid it like the plague. God gave us five usable pointies and we self-impose restrictions how very clever of us.

Chee cheong fun

2012-02-09T07:47:00.000-08:00

When there is no school, schoolfellows still need to meet up and do school things and flaunt the fact that we are jobless and our market value is zilch. I did try to change that but somehow my face spells "HELLO i am a dandelion and i might just disintegrate into wispy fragments and blow away to nowhere land if you huff at me ". Fine. How unfair is that?

So we bum around the mall and pretend we are playing truant (which by the way is an irony because most of us spend it mugging madness at home anyway so the real truanting is going to school if you will) and that is just mildly embarrassing.

Yes i know crazy girl posing with her yoghurt. I've tried on multiple occasions to rationalise why i pay 6 bucks for cheap cookie crumbs, flavoured frozen milk with bacteria, and paper cup, and have reached no conclusion. By the way, i tried making yoghurt indian style (thank Ashima's momma) but it developed green specks from what i call "prolonged incubation" so i cannot be an indian housewife.

And here's the chee cheong fun they wanted so much to eat. i think it looks nauseating but to be fair, i used an iPhone camera and they didn't put chives to neutralise all that unappetising browns and reds and ya fine it tasted good.
Really good.

When you have a buddy

2012-02-09T07:44:00.000-08:00

I was looking all over for this picture i imagined i misplaced but thankfully IT IS HERE and we all look so happy and cute although it is late and i am always amazed how people become friends. We need to meet up like this again sometime while buddy and tisa study hard for As and Alvan armies and i busy myself trying to take stock of my life and seek gainful employment.

Sunrise

2012-02-05T06:06:00.000-08:00

One can fall for a voice; the powerful tool which sways and excites and shows you when to fly and plunge. I've been in love with this song for a while now, it takes me on a holiday each time.

Almost my idea of bliss

2012-02-05T05:19:00.000-08:00

I got myself a prickly tan from being "sun-kissed" on a picnic last week which tingled in the shower like when you slap your thighs with too much gusto doing a Raffles Unite yes that kind of tingly and worse it tingles still more when you smooth moisturiser on, you think ants are having a frenzy but I'm thankful no biting.
Somehow i am reminded that the sun is not all that good a kissing partner (though i am currently enjoying warm pinky pseudo healthy skin) and if you still want to be kissed by him please use protection but not tanning oil which is SPF 5 and completely useless okay. So there is no way for pasty white people to combat office albinism which is a growing workplace disorder.

Everyone needs a patch of sun, a book, mat and good company to while away indulgent hours of freedom. ..

Avocados both look and taste like eggs.

Grass and nails. Every beautiful thing is mirrored after nature.

About these succulent clumps of decadent juiciness, much as i wanted myself to like them, their bitterness grew on me like an overbearing personality so not all exotic things suit the palette. I have learnt a lesson dear outward seeking me.

Alfresco days i miss you

2012-01-30T07:05:00.000-08:00

Today i went through my phone pictures which makes me miss RI somehow probably the best 2 years in my life everything awesome from the shock of entering class and going now wait.. WHERE ARE THE BOYS?? to online prom dress shopping in GP class, countless cups of teh and milo bing and to mad fun times which make me forget i am in school. When sitting under that umbrella, the school acquires a semblance of peace but the only drawback is one gets stranded in a sudden downpour and that the plate return area is so far we order takeaway cups ~~or pretend that the cups are takeaway ones anyway~~ .

Good advertorial for Haw's Kitchen totally do you not agree the auntie should up her canteen cred with one of these babies? I hate eemian anyway but the point of the picture is to highlight the egg eating fantasies of sq and chee which just brinks on being disturbing and to hear them debate on the succulency of yolk and all that slurping okay i shall stop here.

And the eating continues in class too and here is innovation at work seriously a handmade paper spoon with 'plastic coating' for hygiene purposes? If you want creativity, make people hungry enough and you'll get it alright.

Now i have a real question, someone please help me identify who in the world is Matthew Seah from RI (whose name is engraved for posterity on this class desk) because my brother is claiming he has fans from the school and i desperately need to prove him wrong so if you know this dude kindly let us make friends.

Mush, this just has to go up i've been resisting for a long time you look so happy but happier still is the lady in the background please do observe.

So next are the lessons:

Chem is a pain.

Bio students, what might you suggest is wrong with Clarice's agarose gel?

And then we have literature where there was no more candy and that is what i believe Hamlet looked like when he pronounced those words when Gertrude goes a-whoring:

"...She married. O, most wicked speed, to post
With such dexterity to incestuous sheets!"

US in USS

2012-01-30T00:09:00.000-08:00

If you don't remember us shamelessly asking every tourist (who had the unhappy experience of crossing our path) to help us take these pictures, here they are:

What poseurs, but what can i say i love alfrescos.

The lazy boys claim that chivalry is dead, and girls who concur are just consoling themselves regarding the bums they've settled for.

Here's proof chivalry still exists see:

And here we have the chivalrous boys again erm ya. Clearly made for the limelight.

Thankyou guys, Nat is fearless, TW ~~thinks he~~ is fearless too (heehee still love you sister), and WX i DID NOT appreciate you informing the whole world at the top of you lungs that your moobs were jiggling on Battlestar Galactica.

His hand

2012-01-29T04:22:00.000-08:00

Are they just sitting there and hiding out of reach: the dreams, the goals that capture our imagination and weave themselves into a story in innocent slumber? Are they precious to You too, those things I hold in my heart but I am silly like that to ask when You can hear the secrets of my soul and they whisper in hushed tones to You as I wait your grace and timing. It is good to be silent, to know the voice of the Almighty and He alone guides the leaning spirit and embraces for eternity.

Sing to my soul

2012-01-28T07:07:00.000-08:00

Delightful music and blessed voice. Our God, He hides talents in the simple.

Missing You
by Chris Rice

I heard about the day You went away
You said You had to go prepare a place
And even though I've never seen Your face
I'm missing You
I lie awake tonight and I watch the sky
And I wish it didn't have to be so high
Cause I'm belonging on the other side
And I'm missing you

CHORUS:
Cause somewhere behind those stars
Is Someone who belongs to me
And I know in my deepest heart
There's a place for You
Until I find the place You've made for me
Still I'm missing You

I dream about Your promise to return
And I wake up hanging on Your every word
But for now my feet are planted here on earth
So I'm missing You
And even while they say that I'm a fool
I know You see me waiting here for You
Oh and praying that somehow You'll get here soon
Cause I'm missing You

CHORUS

How much longer will it be
Till I get to see You
And though I know You're right here with me
Tell me when can I be there with you

CHORUS

Oh I'm missing You
Lord, I'm missing You

How i like to entertain myself

2012-01-28T06:25:00.001-08:00

Here we have Christmas truffles which i made to feed the family on the 25th. But however nice they look, you'll never understand the full extent of their gorgeousness till you see how they are being devoured...

heehee okay i am horrible, shoot me. But liz took those pictures i merely found them on my phone (and very apt advertorial) so shoot her too;) Obviously advertising is cheating; i merely hid the ones showing people green with nausea.

iPhone cushions. don't judge. i have a life ?. And sq wants me to make a 'group' with a bunch of games in there crazy madness maybe ill try it when i develop senile dementia and cannot remember that there are better things to do in life.

Please prevent me from going out and getting one of these fuzziethings you could hug them to death and i especially like the angry looking green one in the middle which says i don't want to be squeezed against your bosom why oh why do you inflict me but still its wonderfully adorablelittle and never mind what it thinks it asks to be hugged.

makeshift 19th birthday cake for jiayun. kudos to nicole too:)

You can annoy the heck out of anyone by going over and shaking the table.

the stuff in the middle is extracted Oreo cream moulded tastefully to fit between the sandwiches and that thing is VERY OILY mind you if you've always thought Oreos are benign little things think again but the biscuits taste fine.

Poker is not my thing but i like how the chips look so lasvegas and they tinkle nicely so maybe thats why people like to go to MBS.

Toddle

2012-01-27T10:46:00.000-08:00

Am 19 now and some kind friends have reminded me to update that little tab box at the side of my blog to accurately reflect my growth. Come to think of it, it would be pretty lame to go “your average 39 year old ~~hag~~ giving ~~some~~ ~~no shit~~ ~~what happens in~~ her two point five cents to the world. ”
Anyway, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for the beautiful celebrations, surprises, gifts and all the love because I treasure these in a secret jar you never see because I am hardly openly affectionate because I live in a home full of men (literally) so the pressure to be macho is perpetually on. Yes, right.
And I am in office mulling over how blessed you guys have made life for me and loving the warm huggy comfort of a blazer its like being embraced by black material now who wouldn’t like that and I love how it has hidden pockets too. So magical.

MRT Moments

2012-01-26T09:59:00.000-08:00

These few weeks have seen me on a law internship and I have become acquainted with hoards of lethargic humanity in my daily train tussle. I thought the student crowd was bad but the grouchier and far more explosive bunch is called “Adult Going to Work”.

The 8.15am train ride is keener than a roller-coaster where every bump and halt can send one staggering metres across the cabin with threat of an unnecessarily painful death of being galled by someone’s umbrella, or worse be swirled into the all too embracing arms of the uncle with the unsightly yellow pinky nail ~~which by the way houses a whole Amazon rainforest of bacteria species and I suggest should be retained for biomedical investigation~~ ok why do people keep long pinky nails? Kindly explain.

So while riding the trains I also get very inspired to invent things. Upon consideration of the plight of men whose crisp T.M. Lewin shirts double up as built-in saunas, I see a growing market for a new line of office wear with re-sealable Velcro underarm holes don’t you see one too? But we can all deal with sweat patches but let’s look over there at the disturbing scene of one such victim mopping away at every undesirable human secretion: sweat, snot and whatnot with the SAME handkerchief which I suspect hasn’t had a good bath in a while so such things should be banned and if you know who invented Tissue, tell him I send him loves.

Also very queer I have noticed that everybody seems to be watching the same ancient china drama. By now, I have gotten enough glimpses to make out a sketchy storyline:
Handsome (as handsome as pigtailed men can get) eunuch realises they didn’t do the job well enough and falls in love with hardy and rebellious princess and together, they storm the castle and defeat an evil lao-fo-ye who is coincidentally also balding as suggested by hair regeneration adverts plastered all over the place.
Yes the advert is very tastefully done up and rather enticing I occasionally catch people looking longingly at lao-fo-ye’s luscious locks heehee abuse of alliterations.

The most attractive lady on the train has enthralled a good number of menfolk simply by playing Angry Birds on her iPad. They are unwittingly drawn by the whiles and charms of green porkers and the emotional power a lady playing the game badly exerts on male commuters is astounding. I believe she has angered a few who will then proceed on to have a nasty day at work and go home to be wife-beaters because someone got her projectile theory wrong.

Important lesson: If you are wearing a pointy shoe, DO NOT let a man accidentally step on them, even if he curses himself afterward. I saw that as real repentance so I smiled wryly and mumbled something along the lines of “it’s alright” even though it hurt so bad my face should be like this:

Yes I have succumbed to troll face whatever you delight to call it though I imagine a Telletubby would manage almost the same expression after watching KillBill. Anyone who understands this is a sicko.

Okay I have reached office and hope your train rides are as entertaining as mine till next time but my toe is still experiencing staggering discomfort okay and about heels… it trains every thigh, leg and bum muscle you didn’t know you had and if you trip, it also shows you new ways to contort your body that you didn’t know you could. Make your own judgements ladies, totally worth it.

Commotion

2012-01-16T19:38:00.001-08:00

Somehow I'm still very much a kid, navigating, feeling, excited so please show me something more, the other side of this leaf and let me billow two thousands miles an hour on a trackless ride carried and spinning, dancing with a whirlwind because I am already at the edge, prepared for the next leap. Paralysis before the shot.
But who will hold my 19 year old hand, my 19 year old face and your breath? I see joy and space and time for cafe chats that fire your mind and strength to build brave hearts that fish in the deep for that monster beneath to subdue it like Hercules but only by your strength. Leave a clue? Leave a word and I will run with it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Hong Kong Hong Kong

2012-01-03T08:14:00.000-08:00

Disneyland Duh. And Charlotte's long beautiful arms snapped this for us betchu can't tell it's a 'zipai' shot:)

We so HAWT and Nicole NEEEE can you please look glam for once but she is very pretty please see her prom pics for a more accurate visual image.

This airport picture is one of my favourites but goodbye to long locks i chopped them off so now they are weeping in the rubbish pile.

So I was back for a while already from my little holiday though I never announced I was going in the first place. The first few days saw me fanatical over the HK accent especially the way they denounced their own country so unwittingly it verged on being endearing:

“Where you want to go? Oh, the shiddy mall! Over there, look, over there you have the shiddy shuttle and you can see also the shiddy lights along the shiddy streets and buy the shiddy famous mango dessert.”

Exaggerations but you get the point.

Better still would be that guy at the eyewear shop who corrected me when I asked him for “monthly” contact lenses. He looked quizzical then said:

“Ooooh! It’s MONNTY lens, the one you want? You want MONNTY lens?”

Yes, erm…MONNTY lens yes. One year twelve MONTS, yes MONNTY.

But I am not entitled to complain about their accent because we beat them hands down in terms of grossness (for lack of better word) with our Singaporean twang and the strange nasally way we pronounce our words like we have imaginary (for obvious reasons) chewing gum stuck along our trachea. I believe we can add our lahs, lors, lehs, without compromising clarity. I bitch.

The next most important holiday thing is the hotel, which was a pleasant surprise with a toilet resembling a gallery walk: Full clear glass displays of showering individuals or those doing a “number 2” (our code word for taking a sh1t), for the midnight enjoyment of those drowning in quilts and feathery fluffiness attempting to sleep. It was, till we discovered buttons that sent blinds pouring down to protect our dignity so I figure Hong Kong is not that liberal after all and bathing is still very much a private event. ~~Take notes Edison Chen.~~

That was rated best discovery of the trip, second only to the fact that the most effective bargaining technique is to dramatically pace a few steps away before the sales aunty sells you goods at your price. And if you're angmoh, flirting with the aunties gets you the same results.

Oh yes, about hotels I am sorry roommates to have endangered your lives when yours-truly complained about faulty air-con which generated visible heatwaves and so subsequently let in a bunch of burly AC repairmen into our room of vulnerable nightie clad girlies. :( Safety first next time.

So what did we do in HK? Basically shopping (bad idea because HK money feels like coupons and so...) and theme parks but since we were such thrill junkies and the rides painfully lacklustre so I lamented the fact that the Jetstar pilot was too adept at his job there was no turbulence okay I take that back.

Language IS A BARRIER there which was a pain in the nether regions because I want to tell them things but I find myself flailing and stumbling because I obviously am very fluent in all dialects especially the ones I don’t ever hear, so the salespeople would spout a string of unintelligible Cantonese to which I attempt to look apologetic and respond with “Cantonese? Mo, mo!” and toss my head cum hair wildly like a boss. Then I’d feel constipated because I want to ask her if the fleece shirt she is promoting so vehemently sheds fur like a diseased dog (which it DOES i realised after putting it in the wash) but no I suck at charades so somebody teach me how to translate that into hong kong speak.

Finally, i love the weather there which is perfect for frolicking about where you can wear scarves and boots and dance in the sun and not melt into a puddle the moment you're out the door. We should stop global warming NOW. But not like that will help Singapore have winter.

MAGIC TEACUPS!

I only realised this after i looked through my pictures how cute, and reminds me of how you can pretty much convince anyone to have a kid by bringing them to Disneyland.

December moments

2011-12-19T06:51:00.000-08:00

It drizzles quite a bit in December but the cool damp lifts my spirits in ways I barely understand. I skip down familiar streets made unfamiliar by the shade of night that settles all around and envelops everything, even the trees and nobody talks because the rain significantly cows everyone and their hearts sway only towards home.

The umbrella is my shield and I peek at the night sky smothered in a coat of matte grey while the rain falls down in gentle sheets of the finest variety. Can I help but stand in awe? You make the simplest things beautiful and I look up to find you somewhere above, so much higher than where we are.

Puddles merge to form a shallow river rippling gently as cars cruise by, wary of the extra slip. I like it when the flashing men go red and green because then the river shimmers with streaks of emerald and ruby while car lights give a golden glow. I am almost home and I wish I could still share these with you.

Child labour

2011-12-18T04:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I ended my 2-day stint at Isetan and easily spoke more Chinese than I ever imagined myself capable. It is evident that when faced with the possibility of verbal isolation from the rest of humanity, I will resort to almost anything and Chinese will flow from my un-versed lips like honey from a comb, slightly of the viscous consistency but still flowing mind you, and good enough to choke.

Anyway for those unacquainted with my pain, my last brush with spoken Chinese belonged to a traumatic variety where I was told by an incredulous and significantly repulsed 秋老师 that there was no such thing as “鸟园” however right that ~~still sounds~~ sounded to my ~~present~~ primary 3 self.

This is different from being in a food centre where I can simply point at a number and say “uncle 我要 number 4” and get my lunch without so much as an eyebrow raised, derisive scorn or suppressed laughter; I overanalyse. And why do we say ‘吃的” when we are having the meal there when it is obvious food is bought to ‘吃的’? Okay ignore me.

DAY 1: ISETAN CLOSED DOOR SALE

So Day 1 saw me as an exploited child labourer confined to a musty warehouse characterized by poor ventilation and piles of lacy lingerie and kids’ toys and kitchen knives everything Angry Bird. Seriously: soft toys, pillow cases, bolsters, curtains, shoes, pencil boxes, iPhone and iPad cases, underwear, baby suits?!? I seriously hate that thing and parents who purchase the Angry Bird baby suits to smother their child in must be quite blinded to prefer to nurse a feathered fiend with an unfortunate unibrows than their own offspring.
Retailers really know how to make money.

As you can probably tell by now I was in merchandising/warehousing or more accurately the department that sorts out the mess that shoppers make, so your level 1 item that you have very politely discarded in a god-forsaken corner of the forth floor will magically find itself back on its correct shelve all the way down.

The best job ever basically, and being stuck in a room full of uncouth men constantly chatting about toilet matters as if their whole world would pleasure in being acquainted with their bowel troubles only made the experience so much more savoury. But I can hardly blame them for their unbalanced bodily humours considering the nature of their job. Medieval science would classify it as excessive choler responsible for irritable bowel system.

Only the men’s department was in decent shape because men shoppers are less of a pain as they don’t deliberate for years about a product only to discard it randomly 2 hours later. The female clothing and kid’s toys were on the other hand in deplorable condition. Thank the mothers for discovering unwanted toy items that their children had stealthily buried in the shopping bag and subsequently chucking it with the kettles and Calvin Klein goodies, because Talking Elmo obviously belongs in the kitchen or among men’s underwear.

The only joy was interacting with my fellow ad-hoc staff workers who were mostly Poly or ITE students who were either on an attachment or found it a simple way to make extra pocket money. How we threw off our ugly red aprons and revolted at the end of the night when Isetan staff refused to let us off was another highlight I’ll find a time to tell you about myself.

But life is different on the other side.

DAY 2: MANGO SALE

I began Day 2 thankful that Mango at Shaw was only 2-storeys but that turned out to be redundant as I was posted to cashiering. When you are a cashier, you stand put under a skin-drying spotlight for the whole day while being forced to listen to appalling mall music and being brainwashed by stupid lyrics like “champagne showers” which tempts you to find the speaker and snuff out that accursed thing before it interferes with your neural synapses.

But here are 10 observations

1. Most men buying clothes at the ladies department have this laughably sheepish expression on their faces that makes me think they were forced by abusive spouses to pick out “thoughtful” Christmas presents. It is so contrasted with ladies roughing up men’s underwear with the same brazen abandon they adopt when sifting through oranges at the supermarket destroying many in the process.

2. Giving a child a pink plastic bag can stop her from crying. Same concept applies to ladies whose faces immediately turn a sour shade of green when you hand them a black MANGO instead of reaching for the pink one. Pink can make their day in ways so profound-guys please learn something.

3. People assume that MANGO does QC on their staff because customers approach us to help them match outfits. “Does this leopard top go with this leopard preen shoes and leopard preen jacket?” Yes maam, it does and you should pick out this furry green belt and zebra striped skirt so the leopard can have some prey and grass.

4. I cannot understand how guys can function without bags. Having your hands immobilized with frenzied barcode scanning while your phone vibrates against your hip-bone is majorly uncomfortable. And the Iphone nearly committed suicide in the toilet bowl by jumping out of my stuffy pocket into warm watery bliss when I visited the ladies. Not funny.

5. Singaporeans are very fashionable people and I saw this lady with plastic aunty curlers still hanging in atrocious limbo among her locks. All the men around obviously approve.

6. HSBC stands for HongKong and Shanghai Bank Corporation. Tsk don’t laugh at me I bet you didn’t know that either.

7. It is very hot to stand under spotlights. I almost feel like jewelry.

8. If I haven’t elaborated enough how viciously abusive the song “champagne showers” is to the human ear, I do so now. I’d rather Santa Claus come to town.

9. There are two kinds of customers: the Annoying and the More Annoying. The annoying one requests that you individually pack all their goods and in the process destroy 10 acres of ozone kill 2 mousedeers. The more annoying one just keeps mum and glowers at you as though you killed their family and forced euthanasia upon their pet terrapin.

10. Never judge based on appearance. The aunty who looks like she just spent the night under cardboard sheets is the same one to whip out a thousand dollar note to purchase MANGO work suits and glittery club dresses.

But overall, it was eye-opening experience and I found new respect for sales people who not only stand up for the whole day but wear a smile in the face of nasty demanding customers, bitchy supervisors, repetitive and mentally un-stimulating work and “champagne showers”.
But the Pauline lady I had the pleasure of working with was such a hilarious persona with whom I managed to banter with in Chinese for nearly 12 hours. She enlightened my dear mind to facts such as if you don’t return money you owe you will never win a lottery. I beg to differ. Fact is, you will never win a lottery and the only factor in play is how deluded one allows him/herself to be. But her theory works out for the common good so I didn’t contradict her.
Also, I adored the way she bitched about the supervisor while she was gone to run errands and put on innocent jovial smile the moment she returned.
I was almost tempted to give her my jeans at the end of the night because she kept coveting them 24/7 this is the first time someone noticed my legs so much ahahahaha. Okay I was quite tired from the job but it was a stint and never again.

I might try F&B next time for kicks. I hear you meet the real bitches there.

Prom is curious

2011-12-07T09:31:00.000-08:00

Best PW group photo ever love you guys.

Yes, once in a long while one gets to slap on layers of pore clogging makeup, fake a Jolie pout, mould ourselves an angmoh nose, and pretend to be all sexy but sans the judgment.
But then again who even knows what sexy is nowadays some have a Queen Elizabeth fetish for lacy things and to smell like rose hip and almonds while others opt for au natural with a whiff of smelly sock and risk of underarm bushfire which is a disgusting trend I hope it dies out now. But okay I don’t know maybe a few people dig it so here I cater to all lest I offend someone’s daintier fancies.

So everybody looked great and ready to get married and dresses ranged from evil suffocating corseted contraptions to luxury popiah in every conceivable shade and I am reminded how much I relish being female because all the boys turned up in black or blue bow ties and blazer things but then again I have no right to complain because I wasn’t clad in Gaga garb so I belong to the clan of conformism and boring boringness. But I liked the atmosphere.

For those girls like me, who were hoping to finally catch a breath of fresh air by cheating with heels, we were sorely disappointed because the tallies were insatiable and their towering stilettos if anything only accentuated the height difference and the most miserable ones were the boys who poor things! cannot strut around in heels to save their lives. And on that matter the menfolk have an extra handicap without the mighty weapon-makeup to conceal basically their whole face so they are dependant mostly on charming smile and lively wit.

A piece of advice:

Before you marry any girl, make sure you get a glimpse of her naked faced to prevent any unforeseen horror.
I am being realistic here please don’t get angry and bitch slap me over the computer. But I shall speak for the ladies too beware nowadays we have wonderful technology that can fake a ripped 6 pack abs, kind of like breast implants but times 6 why do people do that to themselves?

Okay now for some of my favourite pictures to spare you agony before i wax lyrical about unwaxed underarms and boob jobs.

Ah Mush, you escapist bangla how dare you skip army and you will regret missing the opportunity to bunk in with several other smelly boys;)

Sister why no centre part? Next time i do for you.

I mean like HOW COOL IS THIS?

黑白配

BELOVED DEAR COMMZDARLINGS

AND hoho look what i found! But on another note, sorry friend, i forced you to take this picture you must have been avoiding me the whole night but i was incredibly amused. PS: you have very good dress sense;0

Pretty in purple. LUUUUking good.

Thankew for the flowers but they are too soon withering under my TLC.

There we have it, height difference still stark as ever next time i will wear levitation boots someone please invent it soon.

This is the face to make when you are about to kiss. Results not guaranteed if you repulse your date not my fault.

And finally, please pardon all the self indulgence going on around here. But after being swindled into buying a new dress for the occasion and agonising with the hair in front of the mirror plus all the dolling up business we have to get our money and effort's worth.

Solace

2011-12-06T21:52:00.000-08:00

This song broke my heart, but i can't stop listening to it so beautiful and deep. His faraway eyes and otherworldly voice stirs up something within our souls and reminds us to love and listen and i see all your beauty in this.
Thank you for all the people you've sent to love me in this life, to embrace my heart and you heal all wounds, bind all hurt and strengthen these hands.
Bless this precious boy.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Muffins and thoughts

2011-11-30T05:26:00.001-08:00

You baked those things best while I stood by and went about being the best baking assistant from Le Cordon Blur- whipping the eggs with a passion, flouring the floor and stealthily heaping in more scoops of sugar while you were not looking, because sugar remedies sour faces and funds Mariefrance and JeanYip.

Then I’d be an annoying prick during the boring wait for the muffins to cook in the furnace and why bother setting the timer when there’s a ‘are they done yet’ every minute or so while I watch your legs as you climbed on the stool to peek at the muffins and their ever expanding waistline no wonder they have muffin tops. So I baked alone yesterday and I miss you like never before. It’s nothing whimsical but I wonder if you’d prefer baking with me now since I can help with the washing and not complain that water trickles down to my armpits when I stretch my tiny arms to place the plates back on the drying racks.

And please discipline your sons the elder of which is a masochistic male who functions on the archaic concept of birthright to compel any womenfolk in the home to bake cookies for him at will, and the younger one obviously has such faith in my ability to be a domestic goddess that he feigns a sorethroat on hearing about my muffins and the rest of the female oppression you can read below:

And tomorrow i pass another milestone in my life i hope i made you proud. I still love you more than you know.

Betraying Bucks

2011-11-28T02:36:00.000-08:00

So I am at Coffee Bean because a certain very reputable “Ah Long Café” took over the Starbucks I used to frequent. It is devoid of interesting personas to observe and I end up staring at my berry tea and wondering why the cup can’t stop sweating condensation all over the teensy desk and I won’t get a thermos because the last one was gimmicky and did absolutely nothing about the moisture.
And don’t ask me why I didn’t get a warm drink instead, I am not averse to hot vapoury teas, but the last time I ordered that drink hot, it came looking like this:

Now tell me why that faintly resembled something you see in another sort of bowl? I’ll leave it at that. Never again.

If there is one obvious difference between Starbucks and Coffee Bean it would have to be the music. I can hardly sit for half a day listening to the annoying Christmas track (with 6 songs playing on loop save my life) which interferes with everyone’s ability to think, and makes you wish it was not December soon so they do not have an excuse to play “Santa Claus is coming to town” again and again when Santa Claus is obviously NOT coming to town.
I am so well versed in the lyrics by now that you can hire me to wear a sack of rice around my abdomen, a garish red costume and swindle innocent young children on the streets.

Also, I cannot understand why I need to be “good” for an old man who never delivers any presents (I have been checking and waiting since 1993, take my word at that) and it is not funny that he “sees [me] when [I’m] sleeping”, I prefer to sleep unwatched thank you. That has got to be the worst line to insert in any song.

Shame on you

2011-11-27T22:06:00.000-08:00

So I apologize to those who still ask me well-meaning questions on formspring, but I have been assaulted by an/a few unnamed sicko(s) with a series of perverted questions these months, it sickens me just to get it in my mail.

Hence, i figure i should delete formspring, and before that, here's to that few particularly disgusting characters:

Please entertain yourselves somewhere else I feel sorry for you and your pathetic juvenile exploits but I really couldn't care less that you haven't any self-respect but I choose to keep mine so go away tyvm. I am not obliged to deal with bull.

Okay good that's out the way :)

Guess what this is:

2011-11-26T03:44:00.000-08:00

Was this, 2 seconds before i approached.

Lonely stray that never gets any cuddles from me but the brother gives plenty, and i am intrigued by shades of shadows and the blackness of the cat and his humpy body. Inspiration can be found in tiny corners.

New girl in town

2011-11-25T02:49:00.000-08:00

This has got to be the fifth time that I met dad outside home and he failed to recognize me. Seriously.

ME: (*spots Dad in a distance, by distance I mean 2m away, and smiles ~~sweetly~~ at him awaiting glimmer of recognition in his eyes.

DAD: (*quizzical) I believe I am looking particularly cute/hot today that I have bedazzled a random young lady.

ME: Oh hi, young man. (PS: Dad needs an ego boost once in a while and that I heartily supply)

DAD: Oooooh Dorcas (and he announces my name to the whole world very flattering tyvm) it’s you!

ME: Yes, it’s me. Surprise, surprise. It is very comforting to note that I’ve been LIVING with you for a decade and 8 years and you still don’t recognize me.

DAD: But I really didn’t know it was you dear (“dear” was supposed to fix all damages) you changed your hairdo?

ME: Excuses.

Apparently, I look different every time I go out and so I figure one day I shall don a mid-drift revealing top and tease my hair à la ~~lion with bad hair day~~ Avril Lavigne , maybe add a few stick-on tattoos and a nice long scar for effect then go introduce myself to him with one arm hooked round my brother’s and say:

“Hi uncle, I am Flower from the KTV at Lorong Chuan oh and don’t mind the tiny tattoo of Bruce Lee’s left bicep splayed right across my entire hip. I’ll be lasering it off right before the wedding so all’s fine and dandy. Oh wedding? You don't know yet? "
Then I’ll flash a shiny gold ring (sgd9.50 from Forever 21) and say I’m the new addition to the family so can I call him Dad.

Daddy, it is a helpful skill to learn how to recognize your own children in the street.

3B and Bio

2011-11-20T00:56:00.000-08:00

Because our class is so talented at Bio, tomorrow Bio P3 will be awesome and of course we remember how to use meristematic tissues for callus formation because we were always very attentive students at Lab class. Mrs Yeo ought to be proud, but Joy Fu will frown (which is uncharacteristically un-joyfu hurhur). ~~I type this very stealthily else she'd accuse me of lack of love again.~~
But seriously, tomorrow will be great and especially planning because we were made for life in a lab and Squee guess which carrot you are i suddenly spotted you in the pic ;) ~~(Hint: first row middle)~~

Alrighty back to work, and after tomorrow, 3 more papers to freedom and beyond.

Hiccup

2011-11-19T00:25:00.000-08:00

I realise my insides are made of tofu and it’s time I come to terms with it that I can fortify my heart best I can and garrison my mind but it’s barely worth anything when it’s someone you love. Shit happens and I always fight it tooth and nail till it bends and breaks while I tell myself I am Samson and Hercules crossed, and am man enough to put up struggle and more but sometimes it still sears.

Her words hurt only because I care and we hurt the people we love best. But love is not a vulnerable touch-me-not that shrinks in and trembles at trifles. I forgive you that’s the way it goes and I still care plenty because you love plenty and that will stay regardless.

Life of a teacher

2011-11-18T23:51:00.000-08:00

So I witness a miserable sight every now and then while walking past the primary school near my place, where a certain few teachers take an obligatory detour to a far away traffic light on the journey home.

I always wished I could read minds but no, so I am left to conjecture instead. An interview with one of the law abiding ones might possibly produce this:

Me:
So sir, I notice you are a very law abiding citizen, to opt to use the traffic light all the way across the African Congo instead of jaywalking.

LAO:
Huh, very nice of you to note. For your information, i usually jaywalk across 5 line expressways to get home while playing dodge with 12 ton lorries and hide-and-seek with school buses and army tanks, but outside school I must take this pilgrimage to get to the particularly inconveniently located traffic light and wait an eternity and beyond for green man to flash then get annoyed at the hypocrisy that my vocation compels me to languish in and launch into a weekend of self loathing made worse by ugly handwriting and snot dribbled paper, all these while I gawk longingly at happy folk traipsing across the empty 2 lane road and wonder why I do this to myself everyday.

Role-modeling as such is contrived and worthless.

Wayside

2011-11-16T09:06:00.000-08:00

I forget how precious wondering is. Like discovering a fine slitty paper cut and wondering how it got there, and how it looked like pen ink and tempted you to rub it hard, till it tore
like paper, the same responsible for the damage.
Damage my friends, is something to deal with. To fix. To mend and discard as eraser shavings from an artist's sketch. But only when you deem it too bad and it is seldom I do so.
I step into this whirl, into the early mornings and late nights, a time to ponder, and bewilder. Being thankful for life itself, it never ceases to give chilly winds and run pins and needles down your spindly spine, and why do I hear the breeze when no one sees it? Why then does it stop?
It is almost a bad word reeking of frivolity and le capricieux. Take me at that if you may bring yourself to. I would go a lot further, you don’t know when I’ll stop
and neither do I.

Hire Me

2011-11-11T04:57:00.001-08:00

I hate doing countdowns so bad because I get myself overly excited well before the excitement is deemed acceptable. But this time round I’m making an exception because it’s really something to countdown to with 6 papers down and half the battle won. Mon Dieu est le Dieu qui pourvoit-I wouldn’t know what to do without you.

So I was thinking about what job to get after As because I will wilt and rot given extended periods of inactivity. First that hit my mind was doing a barista stint where I brew coffee all day long with a green apron while inhaling copious amounts of caffeine sans Shisha pipe, and get on a perpetual high to deal with angry customers who cannot decide whether that 2000kcal whipped cream will do wonders for their waistline or not. Then I get to people-watch from the counter and scan cards and fiddle with money at the register, press buttons and be useful like the rest of humanity.

But Q suggested I’d assimilate so much better into YaKun culture and I totally agree because Starbucks is too sanitized for me to display my teh-tarik man worthy skills:

By the way, this was a picture of me in action while holidaying. Please forgive the slight tan I got while frolicking along the summer streets of Mumbai. Yes, and the stubble-didn't bring along my shaving kit.

And the tea looks quite dingy and questionable because of the lighting out there but here’s an up-close of the finished product. I know it hints of pink but it’s only because of all the love that went into making it. (Love, if you don’t already know is pink.)

Then I figure YaKun isn’t that brilliant an idea after-all although I navigate through coffee orders like a pro (obviously), but customers might complain when I low-fat their kayabutter sandwiches at will and mod their orders based on customer profile and a well-trained vision.

Angry Uncle: Why is there NOTHING in my toast?

Best YaKun kopi girl ever:
Dear Sir, diabetes mellitus disallows you from having sugar on your toast and neither butter which is high in saturated fats and salts. Dry toast would save you the cost of your next insulin jab.
And for you Madam, the absent egg yolks have been given to the malnourished looking gentleman on the side.

On Fire

2011-11-10T22:35:00.000-08:00

This is yet another one song i am in love with and i listen to it so much because it sings to my soul and such people are blessed with blessed voices to bless the world.

"On Fire"

They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be

But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me [x3]
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And i've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge

And I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery

Hero

2011-11-06T10:19:00.000-08:00

2 days to As and it's almost as if i can't wait for this train ride to begin and take me along because when it starts, we soar through on wings like eagles. You let me fly Lord, and i am so immeasurably loved it's nearly taken words from me. Then i look back at myself just a few years back watching the masochistic film Pretty Woman and scorning that frail weakling of a lady who needs saving. Now i think it's kinda nice to have a hero. Thank you for being near and being strong as you always are.
It's your nearness the world craves though they seek most everywhere else, but i am content in your embrace.

We love public libraries

2011-11-02T03:04:00.000-07:00

Studying at the library these few weeks has taught me one thing; if you ever need to write a thesis on humanity, Starbucks is not the place to look (though i used to think so). The public library trumps it through and through.

At a library, you get to survey the wondrous spectrum of society instead of a bunch of prissy prudes, pompous enough (hoho alliterations galore!) to pay 6 bucks for a drink and substandard pastries. I am totally not talking about myself.

The library in all its serene quiet glory gives one ease not only to people watch but you ~~are forced~~ get to listen to conversations and gain new insights on marital disputes and the even be acquainted with what the uncle sitting across the room had for lunch.
There are a few things I have wanted to say to my fellow library goers but civic mindedness restrained me.

To the very happening uncle whose phone rings every 5 minutes:
"Hi there Mr. Popular, hokkien techno is very classy and it matches your white translucent singlet (almost as well as white matches a green skirt), but I prefer Quiet by The Silents thank you for your kind attention."

And to the young primary school kids, however cute they are with neat uniforms and side parted hair, who have a warped idea of what whispering is:
“Whispering, my friends, is not adding sibilance to your normal speaking voice.” Their idea of whispering is WHISSSSPERING.

And here’s a little something peculiar to the library that I go to which is faintly reminiscent of an old folks' home. A cursory glance around (especially during after lunch hours) will reveal the entire cast of LOTR but the eye of Sauron is closed in slumber and smothered with newspapers and whatnots as blankets.

Okay fine fine, the old men don’t look half as malignant but they are probably twice as old, so this picture does them no justice.

To make life more interesting, the number of people wheezing and coughing is pandemic scale and there is still a mystery I need to solve which is that I can hear them clearing their throats but there seems no possible place to dispose of phlegm. That is a mildly disturbing mystery.

Finally, an exciting observation is that most people in the library cannot read because I see many struggling with pulling at the PUSH door and vice versa.
The signs should be replaced with:

LIBRARY ENTRY TEST:
Read and follow the instructions provided on the glass doors.

Alright, I love Singapore too much and i need to get back to elucidating. But before that, all the best to those dealing with As in a few days, and in a jiffy it will be over and life begins afresh:) TAKE HEART!

PS: To the buddy, your blogpost will be up soon but i don't want to give you something shoddy so patience young padawan.

Jon Forman

2011-10-22T06:45:00.000-07:00

WELL HAPPY BIRTHDAY GORGEOUS MAN WITH DROP DEAD VOICE.
Please make more soulful music i am looking forward to more from you. Nice shirt, by the way.

Growing up and the mess

2011-10-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

I remember how you managed to convince me to pull a paper bag over my head when I was a kid, because it said 'house of pun'. I liked you for that really, and I will miss.

I like red things and the sunburn and my blush and your eyes are small and so so beautiful when you think something's funny, and I cannot believe you never see it and I will tell you again before you dash your own dreams and more
against the poor silvery handlebar like then.

And we mock the people queuing for lottery.
Thousands and thousands more of dashed hopes and spurned money that could have been used to get a cup or two of Yoguru and some tissues to wipe the nonexistent mess or rather to make an old man's day; which is love and more, especially in the Original which you know. Tell me when.

It's not even that I cannot love. I know what these lips are for so take me at that I mean well even if you don't know that.

But sometimes we can't wield our weapons high enough and succumb to everything else and your crazy ways are not driving me nuts, because that is infinitesimally small to me.
And because I can fight. I want you to know that.

And then you still know I really like hair things and lotion which reminds me that moisturise is one of my favorite words doesn't it just wrap around your tongue like honey and rich plain yoghurt in the morning without the adulterating fruit chunks? And then the chiffon dress which I will never wear again.

It seems you know before k tell you sometime; if at all.

Heaven knows

2011-10-19T18:21:00.000-07:00

It really takes faith to understand your love, so baptise my mind and baptise my eyes and draw me closer still.

Here are the lyrics, they are beautiful beyond measure

Jon Forman: The cure for pain

I'm not sure why it always goes downhill
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I've spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows ... heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins
We're either riders or fools behind the reins
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all away
But the water keeps on falling from my tries

And heaven knows ... heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away
A lie to run
It would be a lie
It would be a lie to run away

It keeps on falling
It keeps on falling
It keeps on falling
It keeps on falling
The water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows ... heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away
It would be a lie to run away
It would be a lie to run away

The story of scab

2011-10-18T00:16:00.000-07:00

So the blister finally turned scabby (moral of the story, ankle socks are ~~evil and every institution that bans it has keen insight and is a good place to send your child to study~~ not for jogging).

And i decided that pulling off scab is rather therapeutic. It tells us that the wound have healed (not applicable to itchy fingered souls), and it is time to tell every dark, dried and crusty memory to screw off to faraway land because the hurt is gone and they are ugly and destructive things so screwing off is their slice in life.

And just yesterday i came across this which makes me glad i am not alone:

and i didn't know babies had so much fury in them, but i half suspect the picture is photoshopped and they used a tool called "liquify" to contort chubby cheeks and fuzzy brows to produce this disturbing effect. So this is ultimately fake and dissatisfying.

But i found something else while scrolling through my phone pics, a 100 percent natural.

(The following section of the post is rated R)

Ready,
Okay here it is:

AIE KEEEEEEEEEL YOUUU!

:)) i admit it, you made my day.
I am sorry you appeared in a post about scab. If you complain to me, i will rename it another something brilliant.

P.S: You wanted me to wallpaper this. So i put it in my little remembrance space. Love you long time.

Please, no

2011-10-14T00:07:00.000-07:00

Whoever declared it acceptable for men (jogging or not) to strut about in FBTs should walk into a cactus.
My point is not to be obscene. I imagine it is ignorance, but please, the V cut was made to flatter long smooth legs on womenkind, and unless you have hairless pantyhose ready glory legs, don’t. Hairy stems and whatnots need to be concealed.

Unveil

2011-10-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

Today, i realise the depths of our ignorance, and the height of our pride.

I'm overwhelmed almost and it's madness i feel and not madness with a plunge into the deep where we drown, but madness where excitement boils to no end, and we're dying to get into the pool but skim only the surface; we're barely touching and knowing little. The yearning stems from the little beating within, something brewing something sweet.

I close my eyes and there's a little flip-flop inside, almost like love.
Almost like how i read love to be like, but this time, you can't put your finger on it, can't twirl it round your mind like a complex concept and can't reason it out. A longing it seems, unquenchable, knowing nothing yet wanting everything.

Goodnight, fingers toes wet hair and take me on a journey, i am ready.

That's not nonfat in your cappuccino

2011-10-07T21:51:00.000-07:00

I like this guy, though i hope he doesn't make my coffee.
Poor chap got fired and i hope Youtube makes him lots more money but they've got to admit he's got quite some creativity up his coffee apron and his fashion sense is impeccable.

Oh and if you watch till the end, the grimace is PRICELESS.

And about that, i have decided he is not an idiot (a guy who writes like that cannot be one) he full knew the consequences but decided 'screw the system' and do something he likes so i hope that attitude brings him places.

Lyrics:

Welcome to starbucks
my name is Chris
I'll be your barista for the day
Can i make a drink for you miss?

I know you've had a shitty day
well so have I
I really don't want to care
but I get paid to try

Hello rich white lady,
I already know what you want
you want a skinny vanilla latte
young debutaunt

well that drink won't make you skinny
you gotta work for that
and just in case your wondering
I just called you fat

hey mr. asshole
want 6 breakfast sandwhiches?
I got a line of angry customers
to hell with this

You've got a gang of noisy kids
can you shut them up
I just want to draw a middle finger
on your cup

screw frappucinos
they take forever to make
you know theres about a pound of fat
in your RF coffee cake

You ordered a grande drip
and my coffee is out
I'll just pour you something fresh
from the decaf spout

if I have to serve another latino
An extra caramel frappucino
I'll empty my drawer
and go to reno
and thats not nonfat in your cappucino

and theres that angry man
when the store is closed
feels the need to shout aloud
and pound on the windows

well its just a cup of coffee
give me a break
I shouldn't have to put up with this
making minimum wage

This is starbucks
I don't want to see you yawn
well you made me get my ass up
at the butt crack of dawn

And I just came up short
on your vanilla bean
i'll just inject it with some whip
because it can't be seen

please reach the toilet
thats where you're supposed to take shit
I dont' have time to shake your tea
I'll just swirl it a bit

All my friends think they deserve
something for free
At least act like you will pay
Cuz the lead is staring at me

And all you regulars
who order your 'name supreme'
well i still don't know your drink
can you explain it to me

and yes I topped your grande mocha
with diarrhea whipped cream
can you make your way home
i've got milk to re-steam

You get cappucinos
your the pickiest of all
you didn't order it dry
but you want no milk at all

you throw back in my face
tell me I made it wrong
When I got a line of drinks
a couple miles long

extra shot of esspreso?
"Stop hassling me,
can i get 18 pumps of classic?"
with type 2 diabetes

and I think i've had it up to here
with these treat receipts
If I have to explain it another time
I might defect to Peet's

I work for starbucks....

- Christopher Cristwell

There we go again

2011-10-06T06:37:00.000-07:00

It’s because I never hugged you enough, never said it enough and never really cherished.
I’m only making up for lost time and somehow somewhere I know you hear me and know that I love you more than blue cheese on crusty bread and an afternoon reading, which I barely have at present.

No, more and so much more it’s hard to imagine I never really let you know. So I keep telling you when I sleep and when I spot your face in that faraway land behind shut lids and snoring faces. People dream the things they miss out and it’s the subconscious working and fighting hard to undo what the day did.

Restoration, some people call it. I call it pain.

And I should bash myself up for being all ballsy and stoic and pretending that I am a dude in the gym and it is blasphemy to show my feelings or someone will breathe down my neck and label me a sissy for life. Why do I even fear being sissy? Loving takes so much more courage and the sissies are those who fight love like no one’s business and enough about them, but when I see you again for real someday up there I’ll hug you real tight. For real.

But now, I’ll just dream about you and hug someone else instead.

You and the ukelele

2011-09-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time i heard him playing the ukelele and the harmonica all at once like an angel descended from high, and melted into a puddle right there on the couch. Somehow these art pieces spooked me into remembrance and it has nothing at all to do with them being puppets, because if anything, puppets have a cruel property to them and those floppy bodies are seemingly infused with malignant souls.

And there is something magical about being in a museum of sorts, where you witness someone's conception materialised and realise that the human emotion and experience is so vastly varied that it scares even yourself. And sometimes, i think the thoughts i think (Paul's wheel of dreaded reasoning calls it "metacognition") and believe that i am plenty times more normal than half the world.

Laura is obviously taking the old man's stick but that act of depriving the deprived is perfectly unacceptable in any other case but when it's laura you have a different story.

My face is yellowing like the old lady's and lester lee yes i do need a facial i agree (waiting for your kind sponsorship) and she is unfairly taller than me because she is on elevated ground. Please notice that. It is a magnificently sad existence when you feel dwarfed by puppets and more.

Here's another close up of our lovely dame with the yellowing face and she is in dire need of SKII therapy and maybe a nose job and botox and boob uplift while she's at it and i am just thinking of all the evil advertising that goes round that tells you that beauty cannot be embraced for what it is.

I'm thankful for blessed times just to sit with old buds and whirl our sweet youth away, thank you dear, you made my day, and when someone decides to marry you please think carefully because you are worth so much and a skunk is barely deserving of two farthings of your attention.

Everyday I’m hobblin’

2011-09-28T02:22:00.000-07:00

Singapore really has a grand load of old people, and I judge this by how long I can vegetate on my seat on the bus or train before I give it up for good. Osteoporosis is a good enough reason for anyone to demand a seat, and unless you are pregnant, or weigh like you’re carrying twins, not letting the old dame sit would just be nasty.

Just my two cents: The ‘give up your seat’ sign should state:

The individual seated here declares that he/she is physically inept to stand in an upright posture for more than 15 minutes, and either holds a senior citizen's card, is with child (in all senses of the word) or is a bum with no moral bearing. Thank you for your kind understanding.

Oh and tiredness is a pathetic crap of an excuse not to give up the seat because everyone is tired and the semblance of tiredness can be cultivated simply by repeated yawning and smudged eyeliner, whereas osteoporosis is for real. Fine but if you happen to look really old/pregnant (which is hardly desirable) then you can sit all you want.

And the able bodied people can go shufflin’ in one of those wholesome places along Clark Quay whereas everyday the aged are hobblin’ around this sunny island and finding that they’ve not covered much ground. So show a bit of care.

Then again, the most compelling reason why I give up my seat is because I remember that each of them old ones is someone’s grandparent and I hope others do the same for mine.

Brit boys

2011-09-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

I know you are judging the topless boys on screen, but don't worry i am too. ~~especially the one third from the left with the furry navel.~~
Okayy, so i was on a cab today when i heard the last 15 seconds of this song playing on the radio and decided it was nice, not because they are topless but because of the beats, and i obviously CANNOT SEE VIA THE RADIO. And why am i even trying to justify myself because eitherways you'll take it the wrong way i admit defeat.

To be honest, the lyrics are not the brightest you'll find out there and the beginning of the MV's really quite awkward where you see all 5 of them staring into space, attempting an intense smouldering look and all failing except dude with attempted skinhead. Then the rest of the video can basically be summarised as such:

sun
skin
boat, water
more skin
bikini babes
aviator shades
slow-mo swagger
crowds
slow-mo swagger
some more skin and a bulge or two here and there
slow-mo swagger
people pretending to have fun
slow-mo swagger
blond hair
slow-mo swagger
skin
Miley Cyrus lookalike
water splashing...

~And repeat 5 times.

Don't listen to the lyrics actually.
Okay, don't watch the video either.

Musings on hotness

2011-09-25T02:24:00.001-07:00

I am very cowed by the weather today and the soul cries out for aircon which i do like very much because it takes half the misery from the world and one can't help being very shortsighted like that when you get assaulted by relentless heat the moment you're out the shower. Somebody please teleport me somewhere cold where I can wear layers and layers of wooly comforts we strip off sheep and pull on leggings in all colours and coats, muffs, scarves and leather things which smell nice and rugged like the man i'll marry and okay I should stop because thinking on these transport me to Sahara instead.

Waves and hope

2011-09-24T04:58:00.001-07:00

When my eyes got used to the dark, everything had just the right amount of dim and who cared anything about the little black ants that climbed up our toes and to my neck we were too busy talking and He was too close by listening.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Red wine just a glass or two

2011-09-22T11:20:00.001-07:00

Somebody tell me why i like this song so much? Is it her wet hair or mild lisp? Anyway, this woman is gorgeous but something in the water is telling me i don't really like the russian dollies that appear later and spell creepy.

Whenever the winds blow west

2011-09-22T10:47:00.000-07:00

I spent a day reading today, and it feels like a long while since I’ve indulged like this, and prelims are not even over. For the first time in a while, I’m sipping a warm latte perched on one of those rugged couches they have, plugged in to Yann Tierson who makes Lady Gaga sound like boots squelching in the mud and her antics pure pain. I’m almost drifting again…
When will I stop being a little girl? Your little girl?

I figure we’re still hiding beneath our little molehills, feeling and experiencing life through the peephole, safe yet distant and watching through the glass at everything far away. Almost there and yet not quite so. It’s the few more moments that we have to wait.

Tell me your stories, because I want to hear.

Time lost is time when we have not lived a full human life, time unenriched by experience, creative endeavor, enjoyment, and suffering.

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Goodbye Starbucks

2011-09-21T10:50:00.000-07:00

Tea which looks like it contains a frog that died in water with the blood coagulated into reddish spots okay i am disgusting, period.

Thanks for all the memories, but it's time to say goodbye~

Anyway, i found this little piece of angst i typed into my phone more than a week ago which i shall use as a memoir to remember how cold you were and how studying gets into your head and makes us very intellectual.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"In Starbucks freezing my ass off and regretting that i keep thinking (wrongly) that i am invincible and so left my jacket in the closet. so i buy a mug of hot tea and cup my hands round it and i feel like i'm in a wintry land and all the people are dried twigs and leaves that winter has devoured.

and i only feel this way because i am near frozen and i blow on the top of the mug like God blows on the seas to make the waves and wish the warm hot vapours to smoke up the place like a sauna but the "sauna" it creates is still annoyingly chilly though i have very good imagination. I will order another cup of water soon and hold on to it till it becomes useless and then ask for yet another though they will think i am some camel with bladder disease but who cares.

I think right now my nose i blue and lips are green and soon i'll morph into an exotic ice sculpture and they will call the sculpture "Doing Bio and being excited 11/09/11 (19:03)"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so long, farewell~

The Dad

2011-09-04T06:26:00.001-07:00

Daddy just grew up by another year and i shan't reveal his age here because i am trying to be secretive.
Just a lil' belated but nonetheless still heartfelt message to you, Dad.

For those of you who are not my Dad (which is a lot of you), try not to read this post.

So Dad,

although i address this to you i hope you don't ever read my blog because it will be majorly disturbing for you and it is unwise to think of your daughter as anything but an angel in disguise. And i hate being mushy so much (except around the girls) so i'd most likely never say this to you in person. If i have to say this in real life, i'll tell you that you need to buy new shirts and that your fish are annoying.

Thank you for being tolerant because i am a trying child who likes to test boundaries and buy things and tell you i am a very wise investment and you should bank all your hopes on me. (Emphasis on bank).

And i complain about your shirts and the white pants that you wear which is a little old fashioned and makes me think of Tom Sawyer somehow (i don't know why i don't even know how dude looks like), and how your fish tank is not interesting at all and that the durians you buy make the whole fridge and my cereal, apples and blue cheese smell so "awesome". To be fair, my cheese smells awesome too.

And i talk a load of rubbish everyday and reject all your offers of steamed/fried fish at the dinner table (Why do you love everything about fish?) and sometimes make fun of you to no end because i think it is stimulating and i need to remind you that you exist.

So, i don't ever say it, but you are a pretty awesome Dad and i want to grow up and buy you a house with a garden and a pond so you can keep koi, not guppies which are small and keep dying.

I told you to smile sweetly and this was what i got:)
Oh, i forgot, and thanks for giving me two brothers, one who keeps wanting a hamster you would think he was 6, and buys cat food (that supposedly help's our feline friends deal with urinary tract infection, EVEN THOUGH WE DONT HAVE A CAT), and another who hates all animals so much the cat/hamster would come to me for refuge - too much caressing from one and torment by the other.

And both tell me i'm the only one in the family shorter than the fridge which makes me feel so good about myself.

Always.

"Secret messages"

2011-09-02T16:43:00.001-07:00

I was recently introduced to the world of Chinese music. And i'm actually really beginning to like it because suddenly, there are no explicit or implied bawdiness nor expletives. Chinese music is like a censor's dream come true- no need for extra intermittent beeps to spice up certain tunes.

Yes, and i know the lyrics are cheesy beyond degree but i like it, period, not because i am trying to convey "secret messages" or be enigmatic and mysterious or something. Some people exploit songs to do the talking for them, but secret messages are only a little hard to get and i rather prefer simplicity.

By the way, you get to watch a still frame of a reclining lady for nearly 4 minutes because I cannot show you the original MV. It is a tad lesbotic and last i was informed, blog mainly attracts underaged-lings disgruntled at life, and that video is in appalling quality so click at your own peril.

Thu 12:24

2011-09-01T12:24:00.000-07:00

And you want sparrows in the backyard and laughter on the streets and every, every cold breeze to be just a kiss from the sky though it tastes cruel and breeds numb feet and tingly toes. Not your tingly toes but mine.
It’s really not a coincidence that we sit at the edge, hands hung by our sides in limbo and I will whisper because it feels illegal to break the silence and I don’t want to scare away the birds but they don’t really care and fly away anyhoo. And I can’t look up at you anymore. So I observe the mould growing on the rocks and hope that they will not grow on me, and neither on you because the mould, I know is bitter.

Cheap thrill

2011-09-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

Downed a shot of vinegar at Cedele's today which i suggest none of you do unless you have innards like a mean green cow. So friend, now i get to watch you ponder at the Starbucks coffee menu and shamelessly order a Venti Iced Water. Remember, it is not:

"May i have a cup of iced water too? In a large cup please."
But
"Hi, i would like to order, erm... (peruse menu with searching eyes), one Venti (dramatic pause) Iced water please."

Then it'll be all worth it, all that vinegar in a gulp and sputtering and sour intestines. I am a twelve year old.

A level bio notes: the complete collection

2011-08-30T23:27:00.000-07:00

If you've to study, you might as well study from pretty notes. To my juniors, they are out for grabs when i get my A.

Only for a moment

2011-08-29T03:20:00.000-07:00

Again, you sneaked into my dreams like yesterday.

So close, young and so so beautiful with a floaty lightness in your step like the foam shrouding my mocha. It occurred to me that you were happier than i'd ever seen you in all 16 years and more,
that you held me.

We embraced for moments, barely a minute but your eyes were somewhere else. Entranced.

And i wake and hug my legs to my chest like the little match girl in the wintry street, only there are no snowflakes thickening at my ankles and around my heart, only warmth that washes over me, because i realise i miss you so much but you're happier there,

in His arms.

Never meant to be lukewarm

2011-08-27T23:28:00.000-07:00

Apathy is the worst disease that can take anyone.

It is a suffocating, eyeball rolling and shoulder shrugging malady that holds you by the throat in a vice such that life will pass in a haze; a worthless pathetic haze. No bombshell eluding and sandstorm braving Afghan will trade lives with your cold chilly self in a million years.

I figure we need searing passion for people, things and places to really taste living like salty nuts and creamy cakes. Be the bitch with a vengeance, the cunning businessman stroking his prickly beard, a bum in hot pants, the humanitarian, the cook battling high flames and beef chunks, a life-saving flesh slicing surgeon, the cleaner dancing with the broomstick wife. Anything but a pathetic apathetic with the frown.

Heart, mind and soul are so conjoined like inseparable triplets and the operation to rent them asunder will only lead to death. Not death of one, but of all parts and how sad and fearful those around us will be battling our slavish regardless and discontented mentality.

When i grow old and stop loving and living with a passion please throw me into a well lest i morph into a discontented old cow with a moustache.

Life begins from here and i will hide myself in You and never, ever be afraid.

Advice not

2011-08-25T01:17:00.001-07:00

My new shoes have ceased to cut feet and blister soles. In other words, I've grown into them and learnt how to cope, just like how we're always told to suck it up and be a man. I figure that expression is purposefully crude because there is something ever so slutty about having to deal with things and that should never be fully celebrated.

Humanity has learnt to teach itself that change cannot happen unless you are cinderella (which it also teaches does not exist) and we must stick to the slime we wallow in and be eternally grateful that at least we don't have to toil in the sun with a sickle and thrash barley and wheat or something.

So suck it up and be a man, or woman for that matter because I cannot be sexist.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My little inspirations

2011-08-23T04:10:00.000-07:00

The stranger with the yellow socks and green crocs makes me laugh and I think pineapples, though on feet I would say no. Crocs are one of those disgusting little inventions like playdoh that sticks in your nails and makes them smell nasty for the next day and a half till you give up and rinse your hand with vinegar to cure evil with evil. I figure enlightened parents should knead dough like a 16th Century housewife using expired flour and let their kids make voodoo dollies and the likes with less toxic a material. I should publish a book on parenting.

When I eat paus on Sundays, I think it a shame that they deflate so quickly when out of the heat and the tiny cane baskets cannot keep them warm and moist as they should be and I want to send them back into the kitchen and say please keep my babies steamy while I nibble away at the one in my palm. But in reality, service cannot be tailor-made unless you want to be called a prissy brat and get spittle and the likes in your food for your request.

And do not accuse me of a fetish but I think old people have nice smiles, though some have toothy grins that scream cheekopek...

Sweet old man smiling

which is a pity but I think I will want to smile a lot when I am old and wrinkled like raisins in the sun. Then I will tell my wrinkles to take that because I don’t fear you, you only tell my story, which is a happy one and the evidence is all over my face so don’t you doubt it.

So, I look at he old man who sweeps the floor in the morning and I greet him sometimes just to watch his grumpy face shine a little with bewilderment that his presence is acknowledged. I won’t lie, but though I never get a smile back I think he’s just shy and overcome with the common jadedness that arrives with age. He used to be handsome when he was young I know it and I see his curved spine and wonder if he knows time is passing him by. But I figure he doesn’t give a damn.

Fallen

2011-08-22T04:43:00.001-07:00

Today, you have fallen in my eyes. I'm sorry i saw more in you than you are.
I'm sorry i thought you would be there.

Heathcliff

2011-08-20T02:47:00.000-07:00

Kate Bush is one of those few women so enduring to look at, and her song is sad and so so beautiful. If you read Wuthering Heights, which everyone should, you can hear her voice rustling through the pages. Cathy in her illness, her strife and her innocent naiveté.
The video is perfect- eccentric, lovely and mysterious all the same and her eyes.

She's singing for you alone.

Heathcliff, it's me Cathy, i'm come home, i'm so cold. Let me in your window~

Talking with Grandpa

2011-08-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

I missed the NDP rally speech and talked to grandpa instead, because everyone was noisy around the dinner table so I could hear nuts.
Anyway, i figure they should have an advert halfway through the live telecast with a man with deep baritones asking:

IS YOUR FAMILY CHEWING TOO NOISILY? OR IS YOUR TV TOO PIXELLATED?
DON’T FRET BECAUSE NOW, YOU CAN WATCH LEE HSIEN LOONG ON BLURAY AND HD TV!
Simply log on to pollyworld.com.sg to purchase the DVD featuring our very own Prime Minister, retailing only at S$46.99 to catch the action in surround sound!! Hurry, get your DVD today!

So we can all happily get extra entertainment from twitching moustaches or blackheads and a glimpse or two of some gold investments lodged amidst the pearly whites. And of course, pollyworld.com is a highly respectable site for political material and the likes, 46 is to let you know it’s a national day deal, and .99 so we can fool ourselves into thinking it’s a real steal. And we totally cannot wait till Singapore turns 100.

Anyway, that aside, it’s strange how we communicate, grandpa and I, because my Chinese is atrocious and he speaks not English so we get by mostly with gestures and spouting keywords which really is quite sad when you think about it. Fact is, there are no enigmatic keywords and you cannot gesture with derision/sarcasm. Life loses its little perks, and to boot, our conversations mostly revolve around food or whether I have been “guai”, to which I always reply with the broadest smile I can muster “wo hen guai”. Duh ☺

But this time, it was a lil' different because sweet ol' granddad began his childhood badass tales. You'd never expect him to have:

1. Chewed through 60 cigs each day till he was 60. And he's a mighty 80 now, and still healthy and strong. Moral of the story according to him: If you want to smoke, smoke the best cigarettes?!?
2. Drunk 12 bottles of cola from sunrise to sundown (in those quaint ol' days, coke was stored in glass bottles and i believe was the RedBull of the age)
3. Eat porridge every morning (okay that is not quite so badass but i'd not do that in a million years because porridge is bleah.)

So anyway, that was our little conversation and it's progress from the usual though i'm going to find out more from this lovely old man that my dad calls "daddy".

Beautiful minds and warped theories

2011-08-11T05:34:00.000-07:00

Today i discovered why some boys think shopping is a pointless hassle and can literally survive on the three pieces of clothing back from Christmas'06.

So this boy on the train was reasoning with a friend why we essentially only need 6 to 10 clothing articles to tide us through exactly 2 years of our lives- meaning 720 days.

The context: His girl counterpart whining about being asked "didn't you wear that same shirt the last time?" at nearly every gathering. Denying that would hardly be wise when facebook tells all and more unsavoury bits including the age of the garment...

Soon, we will find ourselves blatantly denying "No, this is not the same dress my sister wore to Prom 2003, and you see the stain right here? It only SMELLS like the fake sharkfin they served but it's TOTALLY not!'

Okay so for the fun juicy bits. By some complex permutation, assuming we wear 3 clothing articles each time, where 10P3 gives exactly 720, we can essentially concoct enough different outfits to survive 2 years. And dude went on to factor in how we have different groups of friends and not everyone will remember or least pay attention to what you adorn yourself with. In that mighty train of thought, we can essentially repeat the cycle more than once and perhaps get through the third year unnoticed.

I am blown away by such brilliance, and the boy's obviously an RI dude.

2 hours till the morning

2011-07-25T09:53:00.000-07:00

I'm usually the one who chatters, and tells you everything
but you confuse me just a little
and i take two steps back.

I figure i look a tad worried and perhaps an ounce of sad, which surprises me because i would cheer up for everyone around because you matter, and I think i like to smell summery all the time. It makes me want to catch another train, and go somewhere just a little quieter but only for a short while, because i will miss. Then i imagine the autistic kid who looks at swirls on his bedsheets and gets all caught up in their unceasing patterns which agonises him because he wants them to lead somewhere but they don't. They tease and confuse and i cannot help but think of "The Yellow Wallpaper", another nasty feminist text the establishment made us read as 16 year old unfledged-lings, and i used to imagine the lady crawling round and round, shoulder to the wall breathing like she's out of breath and making the cruel yellow swirls. She's pretty darn stuck.

I am hardly making sense but it feels nice to have words to flow and float above your head before i drift off, like yoga but more potent. Goodnight.
I will be back here more often.
Promise.

Maria

2011-06-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

So CTs just ended, and i was loading some photos from my phone when i came to a realisation that i am totally treated à la 还珠格格 style at home. Think hosts of eunuchs (for safety duh), fanfare, and bath-women.~~Having a bunch of other women scrubbing/soaping you disturbs on many levels.~~

And so the story...

Yours truly drank a glass of cold milk at night because a very reliable old wives' tale claims it hastens one's growth spurt, and since i am a miserable 1.61 (and i insist to death on the 0.01), and am still waiting ~~very anxiously~~ ~~anxiously~~ for said growth spurt to descend upon me.

Fine, and I didn't wash the glass. The next morning I found this baby sitting on the table top in impeccable penmanship:

Thanks uh brother why so entertaining? And i conclude that you are very free, and mightily unfair to anyone called Maria.

If that were my name I would personally educate the less enlightened laymen that my name is not mah-ryah but pronounced merh-ree-uh with a soft accented exhalation on the 'uh' which reeks of sophistication like escargots in butter which is most unsavourily priced and tastes like snail~
Or Maria Carey and her terrible touchy bawdy song. Get it.

Okay fine, don't have princess treatment but at least i won't turn into this one day:

Sneak peek at heaven

2011-06-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

Nature moves like none other, and if i haven't shared this glimpse of heaven with you yet, here it is. I snapped it sunday morning driving to church.

The humble iphone can scant capture all your grace but just a little is enough for me. Thank you Jesus for holding my hand.

I could use some~

2011-06-12T23:58:00.000-07:00

Couldn't really sleep last night so i went ploughing through old photos till i came to these taken while i was in France and i badly need a holiday with blue skies and clouds that puff up like warm dough in the oven, real big and light but don't shed their rain tears in thunderstorms.

I want a green apple on a checkered mat in the breeze, to climb a tree, taste wintry air and wrap myself up in wooly things that speak of comfort like a hot cafe latte, while playing with a tabby cat by my lap. Then i would say things in small fog clouds to you because the air is chilly but my breath is warm.

Sometimes, i'd like a long drive at night on unfamiliar roads, and wonder why the heavens show us so few of their stars where i am, when it would help to be able to see more.
And i lose myself in these beautiful scenes when i know that there's so much out there in the world to taste and so much to hold on to.

So anyway, here's a compilation of my favourite shots and i regret not taking more and please forgive the absent photography skills, they do the place no justice.

Bad Fengshui

2011-06-11T09:27:00.001-07:00

The annoying thing about staying away from town is that the shops around you tend to be quite pathetic, and drab. But to be fair, you can still get a good deal for clothes if you think you are a star from "The Little Nonya' and like to wear floral bed sheets/are trying to hide your pregnancy with mounds of luscious material etc etc.
In which case this would probably be more useful:

So most of the shops are big and spacious because they are empty for the most part, and sell all sorts of things no one buys like massage chairs, the sorts that are only made for old men like Andy Lau (duh):

Dude manages to look decidedly pensive in all his shots

...and they pinch you in all the wrong places and give an assortment of colourful bruises it is no wonder people start to suspect you have an abusive step-mom. They need to build more cafes.

Yes, the mall is pathetic but they have space for a fengshui shop, which clearly has bad fengshui because of how empty is always is and it does the business no good that their staff are in perpetual "bitch-mode" thanks to the octagonal tables that bruise their knees and make it hard for them to file their nails comfortably. Half the problem lies with the fountain spewing out intoxicating fumes and do they even change the water in there?

ISOS

I am
Sick
Of
Studying

Don't dance around it

2011-06-08T07:32:00.001-07:00

Nothing sets our hearts adrift more than music, and i am in love with this sad, sad song by obscure but beautiful Kina Grannis (who autocorrects to "grannies" on my iphone), but granny or not, she sings like an angel that i want to listen to over and over again though i don't know why she named her song "Cambridge" but i hope she heals her broken heart.

Mindwalk

2011-06-03T09:23:00.001-07:00

Yesterday on the bus ride back I saw a somewhat inspirational sight- two deaf and probably also mute people communicating in sign language. They were gesticulating so fast and wildly they could pull a David Copperfield with his bogus street magic anytime i.e. make mushrooms sprout from your ears and you won’t even see the sleight of hand because that's how useful magic is ~~and the only useful sorts are those that make (some) people disappear or make money appear~~.

Check out eyebrows

And I can't help recalling the primary school days when we would mark a poker deck with 'inconspicuous' dots like make the queen Indian or fold the edges and then pretend we can mind read like a Jedi.

Check out eyebrows again.

Btw I still think that is a useful skill though I'm glad no one has it, or the world would be in chaos (pronounced 'chaows' for effect), but if I had it the first mind I would read would be the lit examiner's because I'm dying to know the questions, aargh so I can skip right to the point studying. And then I thought I had more groove up my sleeve, but this is what school does to you.

What really struck me was that being deaf, one is excluded from a whole chunk of the world's joys. I won't be able to hear so I'll probably spend the rest of my time looking at your eyes because so much emotion is gone without hearing you and I will miss voice the most. Not music but voice.

Then after imagining life without voice, imagine all the other things lost- James Blunt and Chris Martin's witchcraft music, which sends me a million miles away, and the beep/tapping sound that a straw makes sucking up the last droplets of a drink and rain with thunder sometimes, and funny bad singing and the neighbour's drilling which drives me nuts and kids screaming their little overdeveloped lungs out while being cruel to a bird. And they miss out so much. But I comfort myself that they have never heard these so they will never get to miss them.

But I'll learn sign language one day because i want to be able to talk to them too but right now I only know the alphabets A to Z.

I reckon it'll take me about a whole month just to go to a Starbucks counter, grin widely and spell 'hello can I have a cup of chamomile tea with the water steaming hot so when i blow at it, my glasses fog up just nice and fresh tea vapours envelop me round about, but please don't give me a cup with lipstick stains on it as you did last time because I know I give off lesbotic vibes but I don't really fancy kissing a woman tyvm'.

And i would get as far as 'hello can I… ' with my fingers before they shove me aside and want to stuff a muffin up my mouth but realize it's pretty much not going to shut me up.

That is how much i love starbucks.

And here's the universal sign language for "come hither". Don't quote me on that.

But sign language is quite useful because when I lose my voice I can still 'talk' real fast so you can't exploit my inability to retort, and I can make excuses to be violent by accidentally waving my hands too near your face. Ah such bliss, which trumps attempting to communicate using my iPhone notes function because autocorrect learns all my typos and retypes it again and again for me. Not cool.

So I was momentarily lost in their world and I could not make out a single word they gesticulated and then I decided it was my stop and got off.

This is why they are so loved

2011-05-27T04:03:00.000-07:00

I was up reading your notes (some I read more than a few times) and I really want to hug all of you for giving me one of the best journeys I ever had. It was a really tough ride for me this past year and a half, but in your little ways, you made things so much easier and with your smiles, you carried me along. Thank you for giving me a home in council. You'll never imagine how much of a difference it made.

Council was a dream and that dream has made me so much stronger, and so much tougher, and I don’t want to let the memories slip away like a fish while I eat jam and take drugs as life pulls me along. I’ve never met more beautiful people than you guys and I’m reminded that being dysfunctional is perfectly normal and that everyone no matter how seemingly stoic has a banana heart. Soft, squishy and sweet.

Actually, it’s almost crazy how friendships develop and because I am the sort of girl who finds it easier to eat her shoes plus the socks than tell you she loves you. But now you don't have to guess.
The term has ended but I want to thank you guys for letting me get to know you on a more personal level. All the smiles, and even the tears, I take them all in.
I smile a lot too, because you guys make me smile.

To my committee:

Commz’D, I don’t even know how to thank you for being such a lovable bunch of people to work with. Thank you for putting up with this slave driver who emails you extra work and smses you at insane o’clock. Klun, Liqi, Shushu, Sergio, Mervyn, Srishti, Du Yan, Zhen, MinYee, Zann, I’ve never met a more motivational bunch and you guys function on crack please tell me your supplier so I can get some too. Li wei, I hoped that you could have joined us more but eitherways all the best in whatever you set your mind to. Commz’D, you guys were such a blessing. And thank you so much for the calendar with its erm inbuilt menstrual cycle calculator?!? It shall sit prettily on my desk and i'll never be caught off guard!

To EXCO:

Kirk, thanks for being the inspiring Indian dude at the top and you’re quite cool though you don’t know that. Pris, you are such a mature and sweet girl whoever marries you has foresight for real but do reject the creepy ones along the way. Lu, you are the epitome of insanity and productivity so salutes, and you should join the army and command a bunch of men. Mikey, a.k.a Mr. Nice. and caring, you've always been such a great support i'm really glad i got to know you. Manfred, you take secret delight in scaring people but i know you're actually a fun person so please smile more☺ ☺ Mandy, why do I always think of a dragon when I see you? I think you're steady and have some class which is quite sexy. Veron, my classmate and dear dear emblem of maturity. I am profoundly jealous of your beautiful smile, so flaunt it. Sam, I can’t help but tease you all the time but you are one natural leader and your charisma gives you legions of worshippers. PeiYuan, you strange intelligent boy with the mathematical mind i will always remember the glint of delight that lights up your eyes every time you leave us dumbfounded. Yek, everyone says you act cute but to me you're really quite cute and to one other pyerson too so it’s okay ☺. Chander, you are such a bully but I have come to terms with it and btw you need to meet more alpha females to cow your MCP tendencies but I admire you all the same. And finally Flo, who is such a darling, keep being the angel that you are my dear.

To the other very beautiful people:

Thank you for constantly poking fun at my hair/height/skirt/basically everything else about me and for conjecturing that i am secretly a tranny and for trying to find my adam's apple (which you won't find ever because i have swallowed it as i have a supple gullet unlike you guys), stealing my phone pretending to be me (and failing) and sending idiotic messages to my contact list, for reminding me that i am really made of hawtstuff and for making me question again and again why i make friends with boys.

The term has ended and it still feels quite strange but I’ll see you guys around a lot and no matter how annoying you are you’ve made council such a home for me, i won't want to change anything.

Keep being all the beautiful, annoying things that you are and keep touching the lives of people around.

Finishing touches

2011-05-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

Today, we forget that we need strength, we forget to depend, we forget not.

Checking them out

2011-05-21T04:55:00.000-07:00

These few days, I’ve been noticing less deluded ahlians who think butt cracks are somehow arousing (maybe they are to monkeys I wouldn’t know) and less shoving individuals in Singapore’s gracious trains. Unfortunately, those are still in bountiful supply round here, but it’s the tod’s that I’ve been looking at, and they keep me infinitely amused ☺

Anyway, here’s a collection of the cute kids I’ve met in these two weeks for you to marvel at their amazing cuteness and maybe convince you to try getting yourself one, if you’re of age that is.
Alternatively we can simply go to school, where you’ll find ~~a sampling of strange overgrown ones but this time not quite so endearing and some complete with erm, stubble~~ some adorable substitutes.
By the way, school is beautiful in the late mornings so here's a picture of the natural lighting at the alfresco dining:

And here goes…

Dragonfly girl

Dragonfly girl who reaches to barely past my thighs, okay fine she was at my hips because I’m not that tall, was spotted grinning and holding the toilet door shut.

ME: (Raise eyebrows because I believe that kids no matter the age understand body language)
DFG: I trapped a dragonfly in there!
ME: But i need to use the toilet.
DFG: But the dragonfly will sting you.

The point is that dragonflies don't sting.

Car Siblings

The Car Siblings were quarrelling on the walk to the car about who gets to sit in front next to the driver’s seat using the usual argument of “last time he sat in front now it’s my turn”. After a whole minute of their nonsense, the dad starts getting annoyed.

TD: (In annoyed tone) Tell you what, you both sit in front and daddy sits at the back okay!
CS: (silence)

That dad has some skills.

Hockey Boy

Hockey Boy was playing “Touch Hockey” on his Dad’s Iphone and happily shooting the puck into his erm...own goal.

I hope someone welcomes him into the real world soon, and lets him know that life is hardly ever that simple.

Scrunch Nose

He's the cutest thing in church and his momma pinches his nose as he scrunches up his cute little face and i think in my heart "bliss" and i want my family to be like that too next time.

Dragon fruit

2011-05-09T07:08:00.003-07:00

You know, I miss you while eating it.
You used to cut them up for me so i still think of you when i eat them. Why does the pain run so deep?

I wish you were still here i wish you would still hold my hand, then i'll be your little girl again.

Fan girl

2011-05-07T11:15:00.000-07:00

I am watching the results of the 2011 elections and though I desperately want to say something profound and analytical about this year’s candidates, I refrain because it will be too sensitive.

However, special mention goes to the announcer because I adore his nasal and authentic Singaporean accent, and how he delivers the candidates’ names with gusto!

To boot, he sports a grand side-parting, which exudes such a rare understated class that I believe he has just started a new trend. Rumour has it that it will be the next big thing in school ~~although some boys with great foresight have already given themselves quite a headstart with the trend~~.
On that note, I already feel inspired so Yee Jia Rong, please tell me when you need a new haircut, because I will gladly perform my DAVID GAN MAGIC on you for a ten percent discount.

Elections watching is such a joy!

Anyway, well done to the deserving parties that have won, and Nicole Seah, you have fought long and hard but now City Chain beckons.

Payback time

2011-05-04T03:29:00.000-07:00

Today, the two boys in my class came out of the closet (3B can attest to this).
But it came as no surprise, even Mrs Lin had an inkling. And the rest of us, we suspected it all along *winkwink*

Btw, Mush and Shingxz, if you happen to be reading this and find the above statements and picture vaguely misleading, it is payback time from the HL. And her mighty moustache.

'This is the very ecstasy of love'

-Hamlet, Act 2 Scene 1

Election frenzy

2011-04-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

These few weeks our papers have been flooded with nothing but political news, and most of the conversations I’ve heard centre around elections and policies and of course the opposition.
If you listen hard enough, it is actually quite disturbing to hear some of us young people chat about politics and though the conversation is obviously intensely profound and mature, something somehow makes me thankful we cannot vote.

But what takes disturbing to a whole new level is hearing adults discuss politics in their know-it-all manner. They have for added effect, very unique pronunciations of the word “government”, which makes whatever they are discussing in however angsty and vexed the tone suddenly sound a tad comic.

To date, I have heard a whole variety of them ranging from “The garment needs to think more about the middle-income Singaporean” to “The gardenment needs some competition for progress” and for the slightly more enlightened it’s “The gardenerment is getting complacent”.
I presume we do quite a bit of gardening here, which is not too far off considering we call ourselves a garden city.

To be fair, I am quite amused by the whole election hype and it is not everyday that you get to see a dude riding a pickup and shouting into a loud-hailer all sorts of unintelligible things which we appreciate only for its novelty. By the way, if you haven't bothered flipping the magazines that are printed and shoved into our letterboxes, i suggest you do so and count the number of pictures where the candidates are seen smiling, carrying babies (preferably one of different race from candidate) and looking tenderly into the eyes of elderly folks (extra points if they are in wheelchairs). I also really like that their photos are photoshopped so well and almost SKII advert worthy.

Politics is not about propaganda.

And here it goes

2011-04-23T07:43:00.001-07:00

I got bored waiting at the bus stop yesterday, and so I took a picture. Not because I am in love with my own feet but light and darkness gives you this amazing contrast- shade and sunlight, split nicely down the middle, a coincidence I will not let slip.
The world somehow still manages to enthrall with small beautiful things. But small beautiful things hardly ever realize they are beautiful, so they hide in the shadows.

Actually, I did realize that a wad of tissue had found its way into the picture, which I think is very Singaporean because we all know how Singapore is clean only because we have cleaners, and we pay them little and give them dirty looks although they should be the ones giving us the dirty looks but who cares anyhoo. A part of me considered kicking it out of the frame before I snapped, but the picture somehow looks more complete this way, and here I am musing because I find you beautiful but you don’t know it.

So, i got my A but Dad is more thrilled than i am.

2011-04-10T03:54:00.000-07:00

PW results were finally out on Friday and of course i had to text dad the minute i knew so he could rejoice with me along with every other person who has shared similar agony with the subject.

So i texted and i realised all of a sudden how dad is very affectionate over SMS, and you can totally tell from these few snippets of our phone conversation.

And of course he's reaction to my PW grade could not be any more emphatic.

And notice how my "Exam ended freedommm" got happily ignored. Actually, i am starting to suspect the stuff he sends me are one of those pre-typed messages saved in the phone so maybe it's about time to text something different.
But then again he can always do this:

ME: Dad, i signed you up at California fitness.
DAD: Ok
ME: I mean for real, because of all the hot fitness girls and i added in the form "strictly no dude trainers".
DAD: Thks
ME: And training starts tomorrow.
DAD: Good

Heart you daddy:)

PS: I changed my iPhone theme and it looks a mighty lot better than the original.

Dreams

2011-03-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

It's strange how even while we dream, reality never runs too far from our thoughts. Some things don't come true no matter how hard we try and we know it. It's intrinsic yet they tell us to 'live the dream' which is a lie but no one dares to voice it out, and no one will in a long long time.

Humans need hope more than anything else.

Yesterday, I don't know why but I wanted your presence so much, to hear your voice and feel your warmth like a woolen rug on a rainy day that i can hold real close, so God let me hug you in a dream. I miss you so and it's hard to imagine how much absence is felt. The human frame is endowed with immense capacity to give and to love, and so we miss it when apart.

We have an awareness so deeply entrenched that i can tell that it's but a dream, fleeting, temporal though I still hold you real tight like a bear and don't want to let you go. Then the alarm clock rings and it's time for school just in time to bid dreams goodbye and pop back in reality, where you are not.

"Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss."

-John Donne

My less than favourite things

2011-03-30T04:46:00.000-07:00

The brother has recently developed a most unfortunate liking for gravelly granola (my breakfast sustenance), which I resent whenever I open the fridge and find half the pack gone. And here I was wishfully thinking it would sit pristinely along with greek yoghurt and blue cheese unscathed from the hourly fridge raid. Fat hopes crushed.

To avoid malnutrition and mild scurvy, I have activated Plan B, which ~~involves hiding the Marigold jellies and Tim Tams in the fruit compartment, behind the oranges, apples and lemons~~ is simply to share.

Okay that aside, I realize that I did a My favourite things post a while ago and because life is a bed of roses, I have decided to list a bunch of things that make life so colourful you wished you could start off as a babe and live it all over again and then press the “repeat studying for CTs & Promos” button a thousand times.

1. Hungry brothers and fridge raids.

2. Eating a 6-inch sub and having it fall apart while you scramble to pick up olives, lettuce, tomatoes and remember that the reason you bought a sandwich was for hassle-free dining. Poof.

3. When a guy has a slimmer waist/longer lashes than I do/is hotter than i can ever imagine myself to be *Cue violin*

4. Peak hour train rides ~~which is the only time i get to feel any sort of affection~~ when I have an irritating stranger breathing down my neck.

5. When I bite my lip while eating, taste the metallic redness of blood, ask myself "so, does it taste good or what?" and seriously consider my vampish potential.

Girls, do not be deluded. Vampires look a lot more like this:

The real Edward Cullen.

6. Texting while eating a noodle dish, while worrying about dropping my phone in the soup.

7. Freezing my ass off in the exam hall and half turning into an icicle. I swear the school buys some theory that goes along the lines of:
Students exhibit the best mental capacity when hypothermia sets in, and the act of shivering stimulates vigorous activity in neural cells (RI, 2011).

8. Uncle’s corny jokes “I am going to Toulouse, to win”. Hurhurhur~

9. Asking a woman her age (because you seriously cannot tell if she was born before or after the war) while she smiles seductively, bats a sagging blue mascara-ed eyelid and goes “Forever 21”. Fine, fine. I exaggerate but I never get why some women deny telling you their age. When I am an old shriveled prune, yours truly will proudly flash my purple senior citizen’s card around and startle the ah beng ~~who is pretending to sleep~~ with my quaking granny voice "Deaarrieee, can i have this seat? My aching bones need a rest."

Okay, I wanted to make it 10 but the post abruptly stops here.

Spoil the bellcurve

2011-03-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

This my friends, is the reason why we have to work so hard- those smart people who spoil the bellcurve for their peers and leave the whole world balding by 20.

But then again, the world needs such people. They make our drugs, separate our conjoined twins and of course when we turn grey with age and the heart decides to be on perma-PMS, our shrivelled selves would rather have someone smarter slicing away at our chests in surgery.

So mug away my friends! And be merciful the smart ones-please keep our bell curve curvaceous :)

I'll be your man ~

2011-03-16T07:14:00.000-07:00

This is such a cheeky love song and James is everything and beautiful in this video both boys and girls should be jealous. His eyes.
The album "Some kind of trouble" is darling by the way.

I’ll Be Your Man

Too many voices, too many noises
Invisible wires keeping us apart
So many choices, but they’re all disappointments
And they only steal me away from you

Climb into our own private bubble
Let’s get into all kinds of trouble

Slide over here let your hands feel the way
There’s no better method to communicate
Girl stop your talking words just get in the way
I’ll be your man
So baby come over from the end of the sofa
I’ll be your man, I’ll be your man

So many faces, staring at their shoelaces
When all anyone wants is to be seen
So tonight let’s be honest
We only want to be wanted
And darling you got me wanting you

Everything that I’m trying to say
Just sounds like a worn out cliché

Slide over here let your hands feel the way
There’s no better method to communicate
Girl stop your talking words just get in the way
I’ll be your man
So baby come over from the end of the sofa
I’ll be your man, I’ll be your man

What are we all looking for?
Someone we just can’t ignore it’s
Real love dripping from my heart
You’ve got me tripping
What are we all looking for?

Slide over here let your hands feel the way
There’s no better method to communicate
Girl stop your talking words just get in the way
I’ll be your man

Slide over here let your hands feel the way
There’s no better method to communicate
Girl stop your talking words just get in the way
I’ll be your man
So baby come over from the end of the sofa
I’ll be your man, I’ll be your man
I’ll be your man, I’ll be your man
I’ll be your man, I’ll be your man

We are superheroes

2011-03-14T18:08:00.001-07:00

The brother turned 21 on the 8th and he is now officially an adult, ready to commit to ~~being an absolute bum~~ marriage and life. Remember our pact bro, which includes procreating so i can carry your baby soon :) PS: Try to make sure the girl is pretty so the baby has a fifty-fifty chance of being cute. Last i checked, gametes come from both sides.

So now I recount 21 years of being his non-consenting sibling cum housemate until I marry him off a la African bride style with the cattle dowry. You were my emblem of maturity *cough cough*

The ugliest siblings on the planet embracing it

One of the ~~rare~~ decent pics we take together of us ~~not being orangutans~~ smiling.

By the way if u were wondering the party theme was 'superheroes' and I stuck really closely to it u can totally tell my costume was the Cixi dowager, the one who rescued Spiderman from the Green Goblin in Marvel comics. If you don't know her you are an uncultured Chinese.

All 10 of us in our various garb

Blue-black men

A friend told me i look like I'm wearing a cheongsam?! It was supposed to accentuate my already mountainous monoceps, biceps, and triceps duh.

Okay about this. We spent half the time trying to persuade this Red Indian to strip off his top to really rock it but no, Red Indian was very shy.

Now that is what we call effort:)

Drunk hobo

You didn't know it but batman drinks coke and looks very suave doing it.

Hobos

And after dressing up we gorged on food. Some people regretted their costumes were too tight.

The aunt is quite a cook

Finally at the end of the night, she suggested we pop by Vivo City in all our garb and try our hand at busking. I figured it's just her way of discreetly hinting how hard up she is.

Happy 21st again to the brother :)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Whatsapp with the bro

2011-03-04T02:43:00.001-08:00

We are such a cultured family and I cannot imagine life without my brothers.

And really, I disgust myself.
Luurbs,
The sister

On a side note, life is so simple with BlogPress on the iPhone, so you can expect more sporadic entries because I can upload pictures with this mighty software and ~~throw massive bitch fits all the time anywhere~~ include more wholesome content here.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Everything catty

2011-03-03T01:25:00.001-08:00

Stress levels are skyrocketing as CTs approach, and I know that because of this:

The RI cat contemplates suicide outside B block classrooms.

Then he looks like he's really about to
do it.

Then our baby chickens out.

I like how the grass below looks like treetops and the ground seems miles away. All it takes is a little perspective.

Put things in perspective and then the sun shines brightly again:)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Beautiful sleepers

2011-02-26T21:07:00.000-08:00

(the upside down boy cracks me up and we should all try that someday)

I watch people sleep on the train, tho not because I am creepy and have a sick mind. Rather, I imagine what kind of person they are, and it's the only safe time you can extend your gaze without appearing like a sicko who wants to pounce on them and eat them the moment you are alone. It's my way of avoiding staring incidents, which leave ugly bruises and deep gashes so it is not worth it one bit.

I wonder if they are happy people, wonder if they like to watch others sleep too like I do. Or maybe they are just too busy with life to care.

Watching the deep sleepers, those that are too fatigued to worry about drooling, I almost feel like I'm stealing their moment of bliss. Maybe they are dreaming and I hope they don't miss their stop.

Actually, most people look beautiful with their eyes closed. It's because we are disconnected from their worlds, their insecurities and their pains. It's as if we have shut their windows and everything looks calm from the outside.

I would rather look at their eyes though, but the intimacy of this connection scares people.
So I make do with watching them sleep.

Gravity

2011-02-21T15:07:00.000-08:00

Strange I never realized it was there. Sitting in my phone for ages-this beautiful lonely song, I wish it were mine.
Thanks for helping me find it, takes me for long rides and slows my heart by a billion paces.
C'est simple parce que je peux te parle.

Notes that you obviously won’t ever receive, but I write them anyway

2011-02-21T07:24:00.000-08:00

People always have a load of things to say. Btw, I am assuming that everyone is normal like me ~~although I have been told otherwise~~ .
Anyway I figured that so many thoughts just roll by our heads each day, unnoticed and very sadly ignored like balls of fluff on the ground. We leave too many things unsaid, and let slip all the brilliant fleeting ideas that strike us as we carouse thru life. These little thoughts could otherwise be woven into a novel, which we all know is on its way to winning a Booker Prize.
One of these days, I will conduct a social experiment to record every single thought that I have in the day. Okay, it's not a social experiment i am attempting to make it sound nice.

TO THE SMOKER BOY WHO HAPPENS TO BE MY NEIGHBOUR:

(He smokes in the stairwells and leaves the stubbies all over the place. Sadly, he is moving out and I know I will MEEZ him very much.)

Hello, too bad you are moving away so I don’t get the chance to buy a huge pink bin from Daiso, label it “I am a cool and considerate smoker” and leave it in the stairwell for your convenience. You deny me the pleasure.
And, FYI I think you should stop smoking because when she kisses you, it’ll be like sucking out all the smoke from your lungs and I think it is scary and unappetizing.

TO THE INDIAN LADY WHO SMILES AT ME EVERY MORNING:

When we meet in the lift, I can’t help but find it funny how your tummy peeks out from beneath your sari (I don’t even know why I notice such things) and btw, your daughter is very pretty so keep her away from the boys ☺

TO TAICHI LADY

Your colour-coordinated outfits are very nice and I like that you are old and active. That is what I strive to be so I won’t sit in my arm-chair and slowly have my spine moulded into the seat and never be able to get up again.
Taichi lady, if you are reading this, email me and I will give you a China fan that used to be mum’s. It will complete your outfit.

TO MRS LIM

I don’t know if I should say this but I’ll probably never get to tell you this in person so I’ll just shoot. Your killer heels are DA BOMB. I should stop here.

CHATBOX IS INFECTED ONCE AGAIN WITH UNSAVOURY CONTENT, so it is gone.

11SO3B's Edward and Bella

2011-02-12T05:28:00.001-08:00

Racial Harmony Day saw few lonely souls dressed up in traditional garb- so unlike the RGS times where half the population would suddenly turn Indian, parading saris that always fall off halfway during the day.
And then of course, there are those who would appear in jeans and tell everyone they were "being" eurasian.

This year, things are different.

I figure the Chinese male ones do not have much of a costume choice actually, unless of course you have a dad who belongs to a triad who can lend you his fiery dragon designer wear - the one he sashays into the triad's annual D&D with, which i know is held at the Ritz Carlton (because i have insider info and drug dealing earns you alot of money).

For other nationalities, finding a costume is less of a hassel.

Mrs Lin: Mush, why are you wearing Dracula's cape on Racial harmony day?
Mush: Madam, this is the traditional Bangladeshi male attire.

Oh and just to add, the pointy witch hat which you remember seeing at Halloween last year, also happens to be the Bangalore headdress. Totally so.

So, this is ~~Mush~~ Edward in action and poor Bella Swan:

And just when you thought things could not get any worse...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
they took the action outdoors.

(I would love to insert a lovely quote here from the movie/book but i have seen/read neither.)

Madness runs in the family

2011-02-04T10:03:00.000-08:00

It is during huge family gatherings like CNY that I realize how dysfunctional my family actually is. Not that I don’t already realize it but the concentration makes it hard to ignore and pretend that I have sweet normal relatives. If you are reading this and you are my relative, you are not allowed to disown me.

So steamboat dinners are never peaceful because we keep stealing each others’ food and because the adults find us kids disgusting they eat at a separate table where there is no splashing soup and no one daring each other to eat some questionable food item for five bucks. Actually, we are very civil people, and the adults don’t know what they are missing.

BIRDNEST INCIDENT

After finishing the bottle of birdnest, the uncle (who sits at the 21 and below table) decided to fill up the empty container with steamboat soup, stealthily replace the cap, enclose it in the box and leave it sitting prettily for unsuspecting victims. We died laughing when the aunt, searching for some collagen goodness took a sip, questioned why the birdnest was salty, proceeded to check the ingredients and finally downed the entire bottle. We were all told…

“Next time don’t buy those brand-less kinds of birdnest again, it’s not very nice.”

VISITING GRANNY

I decided that Granny was hipz and haps enough so I clad myself in black for the visit. And contrary to Dad’s belief which he thinks is very popular, I was not chased out the house but graciously received and rewarded with Ang Pow. ☺

YOURS TRULY HAD NOTHING TO DO IN THE CAR OKAY

Fine, i camwhored so shoot me.

The one of me licking my lips I couldn’t resist putting up and i look like a pervert i didn't even know my face could do that.

Okay this i cannot say anything in my defence but i will still try- multishot camera so essentially i camwhored once:)
It is a scary thought to know that if i don't get kidnapped/hunted down and placed in concentration camp by North Koreans before I turn 60, my blog will probably end up looking something like this, which is so scary that it should be rated R21.

And because you all are law abiding citizens i know you totally won't click on it.
Someone please shoot me before that happens to my blog.

And finally, i managed to make my brother camwhore with me, and i didn't pay him for it.

Poker face

2011-02-04T08:47:00.001-08:00

There is a reason why only certain people can quit school, give the finger to their boss and then gamble to pay the utility bills, send three kids off to University and indulge in bi-annual exotic beach holidays.

Unless you are one of these two gorgeous specimens of the human race from Oceans, I suggest you stay far away from poker, sit in your couch, doodle jump the night away and eat pineapple tarts.

Anyway, given that I never take my own advice (though admit it, I give pretty good ones), and that I decided Lady Luck had been bribed to my side with enough loveletters, yours-truly played Poker with my Ang Pow money. And it seems my poker face is fantastically hard to read because I totally do not grin like a lunatic when I get a good hand so I am a very tricky player and all of you obviously cannot tell, so beware!

So long story cut short, chips migrated all night long from my side the table to just about everywhere else- because playing hard to get means absolutely nothing to me.

Loving is brave

2011-02-01T22:10:00.001-08:00

It’s almost been a year now and I’m still missing you. Still missing your face and still missing your voice. I am such a child I know, but I can’t help it, really.

I found the bottle of Body Shop’s Tea rose oil you used to love. The smell brings you back from a million miles away and all I want is to hold you like you used to hold me. You have Jesus to hold you now but who will hold me?

Loving is an act of bravery, because it leaves one vulnerable. We let our hearts go where we ourselves have no control; so much at stake and so much like holding your breath and plunging into depths unknown.

I hope you’re proud of me up there.

With friends like these, no need for TV

2011-02-01T20:27:00.000-08:00

I owe him a present so bad it tormented me for a good two weeks. I figured to make up for the belated-ness it had to be extra awesome. Babe, it's been a joy!

AIYEEEEE! MAI HOT LEGGS GOT MUD!!
Click here for accompanying theme song

The Delchanto Drug

2011-01-27T07:24:00.000-08:00

Orientation today was such a blast that my heart still races from the thrill of the day. It’s one of those moments when your insides quake, not from fear but from too much emotion. Orientation just brings back too much.

Huan Ying and Lester, we have the dream team and the dream OG. Cuteness overload:)

And you cannot blame me for blushing wildly today because my “facial capillaries” are sensitive and I have too much blood. Besides, it’s not everyday that two dudes sharing a Pocky accidentally smooch. MR12 I couldn’t have asked for more :)

My sides are split from laughter, the throat needs honey, aloe vera and fisherman’s friend. Fisherman, will you be my friend?
I am incoherent and need sleep so off i go :)

I can now give sagely advice

2011-01-16T02:30:00.000-08:00

I am officially 18 and being all wise and mature, I get to impart some life lessons to those below 17 and still very much illegal. Gosh, it feels great to be 18 :)

CATEGORY: THE FAMILY

ONE: Brothers grow up, finally get into army and learn the importance of familial ties and sibling love. I am lucky because Matt is especially impartial and incredibly fond of his sister to boot. One cannot ask for more.

Upon finding one strand of hair amongst his army equipment…

Blond= belongs to girlfriend so okay.
Black= belongs to sister so…throw a bitch fit, have a massive confrontation and then accuse her of being a diseased hair-shedding Rottweiler.

Mai do I Luurve my brothers.

TWO: No matter how much you like wearing your brothers’ shirts, avoid doing so on your birthday.

Jo: Is that my shirt you’re wearing?
Me: No.
Jo: Erm, yes you’re wearing my shirt.
Me: It just LOOKS like your shirt but it’s actually mine.
Jo: Okay it’s yours now. Happy birthday, present settled ☺

THREE: Dads do not get hints.

I mean it’s pretty obvious by now. The camera advert I left on the fridge door (with very very subtle ticks and circles drawn around desired models) since before Christmas is still there. Unnoticed, unheeded, sad and lonely.

To date, no camera has magically appeared on my table.
Actually, I think I need to switch to a more prime position- the toilet door is a better advertising space.

CATEGORY: SCHOOL

ONE: Bling and school uniform clash more than hot man in tights.
PS: Picture was taken from a contemporary visual arts site, so i'm not a sicko. You people tsk.

Thank you guys for making me try on every single piece of bling you bought! I look like an aunty desperately trying to glam up. And the doughnuts and cake. Awww.

Was wonderful to celebrate the magical 18th in a cool place. The background is a very cool secret spot, totally not in RI.

Hoho, this last pic was from Neenee's surprise party. Thanks you guys!

Thank you everyone for all your well wishes, facebook messages and the very sweet smses and for making my 18th so MAGICAL.
I would have replied to everyone of you but i'd be wrinkled and saggy by then so i decided to like every comment :)
Thanks for the gifts, and for the blessings and simply for being there.

Today i join the ranks of the ageing population! Heee :)

Moments that fly by like balloons

2011-01-08T07:51:00.000-08:00

This was taken in the Hodge Lodge and the colours are unbelievably nice they make me miss painting all over again.

I have almost forgotten how much I dislike peak hour traffic.
It is disturbing to get up close and personal with a bunch of strangers who smell a little strange, and being female and short causes you to be bullied into crawling beneath the underarms of some uncle who thinks he is the Eiffel tower and will not budge!

Occasionally, you also get to hear some very professional-looking people spewing cuss words that make you blush and remember that beneath those suits and whatnots they’re incredibly human too.

Anyway, school is starting and it’s hard to believe that I’m back to the usual grind of homework and assignments and hoping and praying for the bell to ring and for lunch blocks and for everything else other than the present moment.
Sometimes however, you don’t want the present moment to end.

I am speaking in huge incoherent chunks because I’m tired from the past week. It was a blast and the OGLs and Councillors and Befrienders were such a joy to be around and I’ve never been a prouder Rafflesian.

Yellow banana man crouching and ready to pounce like lion :)

Yellow banana man looking SCAARYY: ) He doesn't read my blog so i can liberalise :)

Thanks for picture Mikey, even though it permanently stained you a tinge of blue! :)

This is evidence that body paint does wonders to enhance appearance.

Le juste millieu

2011-01-02T03:21:00.000-08:00

Imagine our world less polarized, less coloured by the extremes we’ve so long lived in. It seems a mixture’s not acceptable anymore and we’re so OCD that categories emerge almost as soon as we step into existence.

E.g. when the egg and sperm meet, and the pregnancy test kit reads “+”, the doctors can, within a few weeks easily decide: Boy/Girl

I mean nothing’s wrong with that and no, this is NOT a “coming out” post in case any of you were hoping. Please curb your lesbotic tendencies TY.

Kids are unfairly labeled smart/"not quite there" (EM1/EM3) since primary school, or artist/non-artist.

Fairly artistic kid’s impression of a scissors:

And on the other side of the spectrum:

Seems like we have forgotten about the lovely mélange which actually exists and makes people unique. We should just step out of the places desecrated by the extremes of bra-burning feminists and hopeless romantics, the classic and the libertine, nun and porn queen, sensualist or traditionalist, feminine or feminist.
Compliant and defiant
Submissive and powerful

Most people are a little bit of both. We should live more in le millieu.

Endings

2011-01-01T02:10:00.000-08:00

Are bittersweet. They brim with past emotion and memories but I like the promise a new year brings. I’m actually “IN” the new year now but im typing in the frame of mind of the “old year”, so it’s still counted. What does it matter anyway?

Looking back, I realize how much I’ve been blessed-though some things can hardly be considered a blessing. It’s been a journey, a growing phase where things are flung your way and you dodge and swerve like a drunk driver.
It trains your tenacity and it helps if you have wise or not so wise buds to guide you along. Thank you guys for being there, and also for telling me that that I smell nice with male cologne.

You guys have been angels in disguise hovering so unnaturally close by that I can’t ever feel lonely.

To the brothers:

Thanks for telling me the laksa aunty in Yishun carries the exact same Longchamp bag I paid good money for. It makes me feel so very chic every time I use it.
Thanks also for reminding me that I am officially the shortest in the whole extended family because Adelle is 6 years younger and doesn’t count.

To dad:

Thanks for being so kewt. I can’t emphasise how naturally funny you are and I’m laughing at your expense so I hope you don’t read this.

And don't be mad because when i saw this:

I did this:

You have officially 5 friends now on your profile and facebook will have no choice but to give you very very constant newsfeeds on me, which is disturbing.
I promise to “friend” you once you reach your 100th friend. Love you daddy ☺.

By the way dad, I hope you like the “Polar” T shirt I got you for Christmas. You know, the one with the collar and buttons.

Daddy’s “Polar” T shirt.

To some people who cannot be mentioned:

Thanks for rocks in my bag, very thoughtful of you guys, thanks for the free Waxing erhem and for attempted pool dunking. I am hydrophobic so I cannot be dunked. TYs for sprinkling me with gold glitter, shoving ice down my shirt (very gentlemanly btw), for artistic paint daubs on arms and legs and finally for reminding me that I’m secretly a man. I can’t thank you guys enough. Really!

Anyway, I have since made peace with the fact that some of the best people in our lives are fallible, perhaps a little mad and only mildly annoying. But they bring you their stories, their experiences, their ~~lunatic guffaws~~ joys. They essentially share their lives with you. These little gestures I take to heart, the smiles the tears and I appreciate, really.

I ended this year quietly and peacefully with the family amidst all the wishes and blessings from friends. And, I don’t bother with resolutions, because they will just fit in along the way.
Spontaneity.
I am an idealist living in a realistic world and I believe dreams can be reached. So I’m setting out this year as always, going for what I believe in and hoping to be the blessing that everyone else has been to me.

Thank you guys!

And Thank you Jesus for being close.
He is my strength from day to day…